comfort.
rest.
peace.
strength.
joy.
hope.
Right now... I feel like this:

I don't like to admit that I need help.
I'm struggling with the fact that I've cried at least once a day this week.
On the list of "huge life changes"... we've maxed out.
We done all the things that people say you should spread out over time in 4 months.
4 months of packing, having a baby, packing some more, moving, unpacking, getting a new job, going back to work, dealing with life... and now... 4 months later, and I'm exhausted.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm tired.
I get frustrated easily.
I take everything personally.
I can't seem to find time for anything.
I have a head cold.
Mason is still coughing like crazy.
Mack has a fever and diarrhea.
I'm trying to get something put in the crock pot for dinner.
I've made myself a cup of tea.
I'm reading my bible & everything is a blur.
but... there is hope.
I know there is... I have to believe that there is...
I've got the best sister in the world who wrote me the most precious and amazing email in the middle of the night. She knew what I needed.
and, I'm calling my doctor in the morning.
I'm going to be OK.
I'm going to keep my chin up.
I'm going to take a nap when the boys are asleep.
I'm going to stop trying to accomplish everything in 2 days.
The laundry can wait.
The dishes can wait.
These two precious boys need a rested, joyful, patient mommy.

I'm tired... and I'm so very, very thankful that I don't have to go to work tomorrow.
EDITED>>>It's 5:25 p.m.
I've spent an hour in the bathroom doing "steaming sessions" with Mack (he has croup).
I feel much better, but Mack does not.
Mason slept for a total of 41 minutes and 45 seconds.
My nap was approximately 6 minutes and 17 seconds.
I'm alone today.
I was alone yesterday.
The calves are being shipped Thursday and "stuff" had to be done.
I've cleaned up spilled "somethings" off the floor I mopped yesterday 5 times.
I haven't been able to put Mack down for more than 10 minutes.
I built a fort for Mason in 8 minutes 28 seconds.
I've had teary conversations with my mom, my sister, and my dear friend Ronda.
I've appreciated emails with amazing verses from Kirsten and Brenna.
I've chatted with Stacy who "let me vent!"
The comments on this post have kept my spirits up
I've sworn under my breath more than once.
I've written my Dr.'s phone number in giant numbers on the fridge.
Dinner is ready... in the crock-pot... and hopefully Ian will be home to eat it with us.
I'm struggling with my desire to get too much done.
I'm wishing I didn't have to have everything the way I want it.
I'm dealing with something that I never thought would catch up with me... a little bout of depression.
Where does this ugly thing come from? Why does it hit you like a ton of bricks? Why does it seem to cover my spirit with a tent?
I can honestly say I've never been depressed. At least not for more than a day. This constant overwhelmed feeling is new for me and I really don't like it. I don't like what it does to me. I don't like who I am with this "thing" consuming me.
I'm going to be
OK. I'm dealing with a lot right now and don't know where to start. I'm thankful I am recognizing the need for help.
I'm going to go play in the fort now. Peace.

7:20
headed to the bathroom for another "steam session" with Mack.
dinner was delicious!
all 4 of us are enjoying life with bales & tails!
Blessings to all of you who have lifted us up in prayer... this day is almost over!