a miracle. {part 2}

Replaying the early hours of Monday morning in my mind over and over again in my mind, I knew that the little green lifeline I carried with me from home to school and back again must be at school.

Maybe it was hidden underneath a stack of goal sheets, or corrected spelling tests, or even the Common Formative Assessments I’d been giving.

I thought about the color-coded baskets and the stacks of papers I’d carried into Room 1 that morning.

I thought about my semi-cluttered desk that may have “swallowed” the green machine.

I thought about the 200+ steps I’d taken across the damp grass and busy bus lane on the side of my school at 7:25 that morning.

I thought about all of the places and spaces my lime green WD external drive could be and then buckled my boys into the Tahoe and made the 30 minute drive back to school to search Room 1 – one more time.

……………

Now some of you may be at a point in my story where you think I’m a little OCD about this little lime green drive, but I promise you – I’m not.

Well, maybe a little.

But I think you would be too.

It holds passwords to almost every online account we have.

It carries images from my home computer to the nearest www access points I have.

It carries my thoughts, my ramblings, my stories.

It holds cow numbers and calf weights.

It carries menus, addresses, and school work.

It carries our life.

………………..

So when it begins to flash across the news program playing in my mind … Umatilla County’s Most Searched For Item … I begin to sweat.

What if I had dropped it?

What if a student had taken it home?

What if someone not so honest had found it?

What if a bus had driven over it?

What if ??

What if ??

What if?

………………

At 8:15 p.m., I left my classroom empty-handed and sick to my stomach.

It was gone.

I drove home slowly … well, as slowly as one could possibly go on the freeway.

My dad talked me through my day – hoping to “jog a memory.”

Ian and I searched and searched the house … for the 3rd and 4th time.

Nothing.

I woke up at 2 a.m. thinking I’d just had a conversation with a woman about our VISA account being mysteriously maxed out in 12 short, but very long hours.

Things were spiraling for me mentally.

Where was this trust and faith that I say I have?

Who was I placing my hope upon?

Myself … or my God?

The God that puts people and places and circumstances directly in our paths for a reason had a bit of my trust – but not all of it.

All I could think about was that this “thing” that was lost and how "I" was going to find it.

I.

I.

I.

(note to self ... there is no "I" in team) ... and weren't God and I a team?!

In all of the searching, I hadn’t found the “thing” I truly was searching for… but I did find out a lot about myself.

I rely way too much on me.

I fret and worry and worry and fret … and everything else is put on hold.

When I lose something, I am consumed with everything but God.

..............................

Tuesday morning I read this in Jesus Calling:

I truly believe I will live to see the Lord’s goodness. – Psalm 27:13

I am constantly working in your life, even though you may not realize it. Especially when you are tired or hurt, or the day has had too many troubles, you may not notice Me at all. But I am there.

When you are tired, I am the One who is gently urging you on. When you are hurt, I am the One who is softly whispering, “It’s going to be okay.” And when you are overwhelmed, I am the One who is running before you, clearing the path of things you just can’t face today.

In those times that you have felt weakest, I have been working the hardest for you. And though you may not see Me right now, one day you will look back and know that I was right there all along, giving you all that you needed. Your memories of those days will be bright with the glow of my presence.

………………………

7:25 a.m. Tuesday morning … 24 hours later, I stepped out of my car.

I gathered my things from the back of the Tahoe, closed the hatch and then turned toward the school I call home.

At first all I saw were flickers of dew shining in the morning sun and an empty playground.

... and the I saw it.

There … about 15 yards away from the street - between the sidewalk and the bus lane  … in the damp, green grass …

was my little, lime green, external hard drive.

White side up.
Cord still attached.
Soaking wet.
All in one piece.
Found.
Glowing with His presence.

Some say God put it there.
Some say it was protected and maybe even invisible to other’s eyes for those 24 hours.
Some say it was luck.

I say it was a miracle.

and I've lived to see God's goodness yet once again.

a miracle. {part 1}

Sometimes, even the best laid plans don’t go “as planned.” 

Like the perfect math lesson suddenly turned upside down as someone’s tooth pops out.

or

Like family portraits scheduled and only tears and bottom lips captured.

or

Like mom’s famous meatloaf molded perfectly and then burned to a crisp.

………….

Monday morning I had plans.

Plans to get to school early.

Plans to place freshly painted jars in my window sill.

Plans to print out all of my new spelling words and vocab. sheets in seconds.

Plans to email Mason’s toothless grin to family and friends.

Plans to pay bills.

Plans, plans, plans.

And … after the window sill “remodel, they stayed just that … plans.

…………….

No external drive = no lists printed.

No external drive = no grin sent.

No external drive = no passwords to log into accounts.

And honestly I was OK with it.  I was.  I’m good (actually I’m almost an expert) at making things work when previously made plans go up in smoke.  And even as I drove home after a day of going with plan B, reflecting on the “chaos” that seems to define my life - I was still “ok” with plans not going as planned.

But when I walked through the mud room door of our home, hoping to find that external hard drive that seems to keep my blood pumping and my heart beating on the counter, and in turn found “NOTHING” … things suddenly weren’t “ok” anymore.

It wasn’t in the car.  It wasn’t in the office.  I wasn’t on the dryer.  It wasn’t in Colt’s favorite digging hole.  It wasn’t accidently made in a bed.  It wasn’t in a cupboard or drawer.  And after hours of searching and turning my “clean” house UPSIDE DOWN, my “it’s OK” attitude was gone.

…………

I don’t like to lose games.

I don’t like to lose sleep.

I don’t like to lose external hard drives.

I really, really, really don’t like to misplace anything.

And, if you know me at all, you know I’ve just stated very honest, truthful facts about myself.

I don’t lose.

Misplaced and me … well, we’re enemies. 

Enemies, that were now standing face to face for the umpteenth time.

to be continued …

details.

sometimes I care {way too much} about the details.

and I don't let my kids just {be} and {do} and {experiment} and {live}.

but I'm learning that when you stop worrying about the things you can't control

the details fade into the background ...

and life emerges.

unedited.

unscripted.

unplanned.

right before your very eyes,{unbelievable} results emerge.

and my classroom window has never looked better.

chance.

I was a bit rushed this morning.

Lunches were packed.

Beds made.

Backpacks ready for the day.

Jars boxed up.

Laundry twirling and whirring through the morning stillness.

School work stacked.

Keys around my neck.

Muffins in hands.

Ian's coffee spill mopped up.

Gas tank on E.

Calves in all the wrong places.

Fence torn down.

Posts bent in half.

Early morning light greeting us slowly.

A tooth still there with no money left behind.

................................

and yet ....

we're breathing - and breathing well.

we're walking and talking - not limping at all.

we're loving the best we know how.

...................................

sometimes I take the little things for granted.

the "stuff" that makes our life unique and extraordinary and "ours."

the "water" that grows us.

the "light" that we turn and face, knowing IT IS WELL and that YOU, ALONE ARE GOOD ... and YOUR KINDNESS, GOODNESS and MERCY ARE FOREVER .

I forgot my pictures at home ... along with the new spelling list, my class newsletter, the math scores from last week and my checkbook.

So tomorrow - you'll get a chance to SEE the little things - just a little bit later than hoped for.

Welcome fall.

Welcome back blog of mine!

It's not just by chance that you {or I} exist.

wordless Wednesday.

{honor}able mention.

"a life of honor is developed one important decision at a time." {Ellen Miller}

and even when I fee like I'm chained to a heavy gate ...

or trying to make my way through a cloud of dust ...

or maybe even staring into the future with a bit of fear and distress ...

I know that if I make my life {intentional}

 and climb up and over those things that may seem to block my path ...

I'll see that which is meant to be for me.

Because ...

"God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes"

~ 2 Sam. 22:25 MSG ~

and ...

You can’t get to joy by making everything perfect.

You can only get there by seeing in every imperfection all that’s joy.  {A Holy Experience}

taking a day {off}.

Every once in a while an opportunity to be a {mom} rather than a {teacher} comes along.

And although it's a LOT of work to miss a day of school, yesterday was worth it.

I found myself on a park bench for about 20 minutes ... just sitting and watching the world go by.

People wandering and roaming the streets of Pendleton looking for that perfect souvenir, a good looking cowboy, or just enjoying the sights and sounds of {Round Up}.

It was a wonderful way to spend a Wednesday morning.

Then my {group} of boys arrived and made their way off the school bus.

We ventured through the Indian Village.

And then made our way to the rodeo grounds.

We watched the Children's Rodeo and cheered on a fellow Echo Cougar.

And then watched the real cowboys and cowgirls in some world-class action.

Cowboys are especially good at visiting ... and waiting their turn.

I also lived vicariously through others as I watched them eat piles of fries and sip ice cold beverages.

Yes indeed.  A day spent watching, sitting, cheering and being a {mom} ... not a {teacher}.

Definitely a day well spent.

fun in the {pool}.

the evenings have been {hot}.

and although the algae is growing and the water isn't clean anymore ... it's still one of the best {pools} around.

thankful for evenings like this when we get to be home ... and just be.

... and Mason's been hosting his own {round up} ... Let 'er Buck!

{following} a routine.

There's something to be said for routine.

And there is something even more to be said for sticking to the routine.

There has been a whole lot more of {taking care of business} in our world during the past 3 weeks. 

Business like staying organized for more than 2 days.

Business like living on a budget for more than a week.

Business like taking care of us before anything else.

Business like loving each other.

.............................

It's easy to get overcommitted.

It's easy to fill a schedule.

It's not easy to try to get out of what you've committed to because you're so busy.

It's not easy to clear a schedule you've worked so hard to fill.

Running a business is a lot of work.

And although my business doesn't have a cool slogan or a following of thousands, my business is worth something.

The business of being a wife.

The business of being a mom.

The business of keeping my home clean and organized.

The business of paying the bills on time.

The business of living intentionally - not as a fan of Jesus, but as a follower.

Because if I can't take care of that part of the business ... then I shouldn't be in business at all.

And if I didn't take care of that part of the business ... then I wouldn't have had time to write down the reason's I'm following Jesus in the first place.

Following a routine, a plan, and Jesus.

Not easy, not always predictable, not always popular ... but definitely worth it.

{thanks Pastor Dave for the gentle reminder}

.....................................................

- new glasses for tired eyes.
- the life of Daniel.
- a chance to start something new.
- forgiveness.
- time to be at home.
- new boards.

- hamburger to thaw.
- crock pots.
- Lindsay2.

- warm cookies and loved ones to share them with.
- an early bedtime.
- Veggi Tales.
- whispers in the dark.
- “president” instead of “present” during roll call.
- good lessons that didn’t go quite right.
- time to share thoughts, plans, and ideas.
- lunch bunch.
- Yogi Bear and Mason’s belly laugh echoing through the house.
- pigs to feed.

- staying on green.
- a menu to follow.
- ice tea with lemon.
- a good book to read.
- excellent writers in the making.
- counting by 10’s.
- a chance to take a breath.
- goals to set.
- ideas that turn into something real.
- successful spelling tests.
- a brain that won’t turn off.
- ingredients and a food processor borrowed.
- jars, jars, and more jars.
- “sweet with a bit of kick” salsa.
- a cast for Jack.

- apple crisp & Shelly.
- flip flops and air-conditioning.
- frustration and lessons learned.
- Enrique and 100% …finally.
- Darcy and Clint.
- extra hours at school.
- tired eyes and a great perspective.
- sleeping until 8:00.
- cans to return and slips worth $$ to give away.
- a young woman in need.
- opportunities to bless others … and people who follow suit.
- the Brachers.
- Rian and the ESD float he waved proudly from.
- a nice morning walk through Pendleton.
- chocolate chip cookies in the freezer.
- sprinklers and hoses.

- leaves that let light through.

- Trust = Unwavering Faith.
- being able to say no.
- chilled wine and a view.
- powder river green.

- boys who love their daddy.
- faces filled with expression.
- bags of cement.

- 4-wheeler rides … more than once.

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