do you see what I see?

It's a Wednesday in May.

I don't even think it matters which one.

May is hard.

There is a lot of pressure to get "stuff" done in the world of education ... with results that are nothing less than the best.

Feelings get mixed up and thrown around more easily than they should.

Emotions go from high to rock bottom in a matter of seconds.

Decisions get made and people react in good, great, amazing, horrible, and yes, even hurtful ways.

Boxes are delivered.

Writing is scored.

Irrigation starts.

Water troughs run dry way too early.

Agendas don't get signed.

Homework is forgotten.

Pages in books don't turn for days.

..........................................................

It's May.

And I'm looking at my own reflection wondering what exactly I'm looking at.

Wondering and hoping ... those are two words I have spent a lot of my life defined by.

I wonder if you see what I see.

I see eyes that still have a bit of sparkle, but look tired

I see freckles and straight teeth and eyebrows are more bushy than they probably should be.

I see pearls instead of diamonds.

I see beauty over time. SO much time.

I see a woman who is wants to be defined by her prayers not her worry.

I see someone who connects with people and kids easily.

I see a woman who chooses to be thankful and grateful because if she didn't, she'd be defined as crazy.

I see a mom who wishes she could do some things differently, but at the same time, a mom that is proud of what she's looking back at.

I see a wife who complains more than she compliments.

I see short hair that has dreamed of being long but is much better and destined to stay short.

I see an extrovert who is really more of an introvert than she realized she was as she gets older.

I see a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend, and a teacher who just last week made a huge life change and is leaving the only place she's ever known in the world of teaching.

I see a bit of scared and a whole bunch of brave.

I see a woman who loves to write & dreams of chasing light.

I see someone who would love to spend her days with a pen, a journal, and her camera.

I see a girl who is now a lady that grew up in a home in the middle of town who has done her best to figure out how to live life on a ranch far away from town with grace & a whole lot of tears.

I see a woman who strives to live in contentment, but is often struggling with wishing for more.

I see a people-pleaser who is trying so hard to not be one.

I see worry and exhaustion that is hidden well to the general public.

I see someone who needs a change and has finally gained enough courage to do something about it.

I see me.

I see me ... and the story I'm living.

I see the 38 year old, tired, questioning, hopeful, wishful, brave, and reflective me.

.............................

Do you see what I see?

seasons that need Jesus.

The rock chucks have been tearing up our alfalfa. The one field we have left. The field that seems to be carrying us through this season of less {which really is turning out to be more}. 

This season  - where we're not sure where we're headed exactly, but we're willing to make our own trail down hillsides and up ravines in hopes of a beautiful future. 

This season - where we're hanging out on hillsides every chance we get - chasing light the best we know how.

This season  - where we're watching carefully and quietly for opportunities that might be missed by being too busy or too loud.

This season - where we're choosing to be surprised by the quiet gifts that are right in front of us. The gifts that have been there all along - just waiting to be noticed.

This season - where words aren't always necessary to see that we're growing like weeds & doing our best to radiate sunshine wherever we go.

Because sometimes seasons don't need words, they just need Jesus.