fearless

is defined as being

without fear;

bold or brave;

intrepid;

courageous.

.............................

Did you notice that my name is not listed in the definition.

Nowhere does it list Lindsay Murdock... fearless.

And rightly so.

I'm fearful.

And it hasn't been until recently that I realized how very 'fearful' I am.

And how brave right now I am to admit it.

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Fearful, but not afraid of the dark.

Fearful, but not consumed with safety and precautions and protection.

Fearful, but not obsessed with strange noises in the night.

It's crazy really - how I can be so full of faith in so many areas of my life, but so fearful just the same.

Fearful about the economy and lack of business for my husband.

Fearful about how the actions and decisions of others could possibly alter or change my life.

Fearful of what others think of me.

Fearful of failing.

Fearful of doing something wrong.

Fearful of the unknown.

Fearful of the unseen.

Fearful about things which I have no control over.

..................................

I'm done living in the land of fear.

I want to live with hope.

Hope for the future that God has laid before me.

I want to live in peace.

Peace in knowing that no matter what may happen in my life, I am never alone.

I want to be filled with joy.

Joy in understanding that God is near ... & that His truth and grace are sufficient.

I want to have whole-hearted trust.

Trust in believing that God's goodness and love is more than enough for me.

I want to be known for my courage in every single circumstance I'm faced with.

Courage in believing in myself and knowing that the gifts I have are God-given and will give Him glory.

......................................

Unafraid.

Trusting.

Courageous.

Bold.

Mighty.

Full of faith.

... synonyms for fearless.

And I'm praying and hoping that sometime in the near future it will say Lindsay Murdock as well.

......................

Fearless ... my word for 2010.

and Psalm 112 will be hanging in our new home.

Psalm 112

1 Praise the Lord!
How joyful are those who fear the Lord
and delight in obeying his commands.
2 Their children will be successful everywhere;
an entire generation of godly people will be blessed.
3 They themselves will be wealthy,
and their good deeds will last forever.
4 Light shines in the darkness for the godly.
They are generous, compassionate, and righteous.
5 Good comes to those who lend money generously
and conduct their business fairly.
6 Such people will not be overcome by evil.
Those who are righteous will be long remembered.
7 They do not fear bad news;
they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.
8 They are confident and fearless
and can face their foes triumphantly.
9 They share freely and give generously to those in need.
Their good deeds will be remembered forever.
They will have influence and honor.
10 The wicked will see this and be infuriated.
They will grind their teeth in anger;
they will slink away, their hopes thwarted.

..............................

Anyone want to be fearless with me?

Dream.

My word for 2009.

Not just my word, our word.

Leaving the land of 'familiar.' ... because that's what 'dreaming' is all about.

And Ian, there isn't anyone else I'd rather be dreaming with.

No one.

Happy Anniversary to my handsome, hard working, admirable, and loving husband...

May we never stop dreaming.

.........................................

I love you.

Just trying ...

to keep it real.

Because this is how it is some most of the time when naps are missed and 'a bite of everything' is required.

Grouchy faces.

Grumpy whining.

And me, doing my best to smile my way through the ups and downs of motherhood ... while humming 'Joy To The World' to myself.

'Joy To The World' because the Lord is come and He rules the world with truth and grace.

Now ... isn't that the best news of the day?!

...............................

Hoping there is a little love & a whole bunch of joy in your world this Christmas day!

The Reason for the Season.

Three years ago.

I have to link to this post from 2006 ... a memorable Christmas Eve for sure!

I don't think this year will be the same ... but one should never make assumptions.

Praying your evening is full of blessings, wonder, peace & JOY!

and yes ... this was/is our Christmas card, but has yet to be sent.

Be looking for mail from us in January ... with a new address!!

Possibilities.

There's something to be said about the patience it takes to hold a gift in your hands and wait to open it.

As you wait, you are probably wondering and anticipating what it may or may not be.

You are thinking about its size and shape.

Your mind is racing with possibilities.

And then, the paper is gone and the gift is revealed.

Oh what a future this gift could hold.

We'll see where it takes you.

Maybe Nashville.

Maybe just out on the range.

Maybe leading worship for others to sing praises to God.

Who knows Mason.

But do know this ... wherever it is and whatever they style - we're cheering you on!

Play away & sing your heart out!

The possibilities are endless.

a little bit of watercolor.

It's crazy weather here today.

Fog.

Pouring down rain.

Sunshine.

Clouds.

Wind.

And now some more rain.

..................................

The floor at the new house has the clear coating on it ... and can't have traffic for several days.

The painting will wait.

The packing is on hold for now.

The tree is up ... just lights and some ribbons ... and Mason's ornaments from school.

And on this weird, rainy day - we're enjoying some watercolors inside.

..........................

What are you {enjoying} on this Monday before Christmas?!

The beginning of {5}.

I sat at MOPS last Monday evening with some my favorite ladies. There were thousands of thoughts running through my mind. School stuff, moving stuff, birthday stuff, weather stuff, gift stuff ... just lots of 'stuff'.

I was sharing with the group at my table that after having packed box after box of toys and books, I was really feeling like Mason needed a whole lot of 'nothing'. But what kind of birthday would that be?!

My neighbor Sara says - "Lindsay, you could always just give him 'time' with people. Troy would love to give him a certificate that says he can go fix an irrigation pivot with him ... because you know Mason knows how to fix them!"

Other ideas are thrown around at the table, and as I drove home that night, I was still very unsure of what to do. I had until Friday - right?!

.............................

Tuesday was an ice day - no school, no leaving the house, nothing. It was a wonderful day just to 'be' at home with my boys and a fire in the fireplace. {but still no birthday idea set in stone}.

.............................

Wednesday was a late start due to the ice & a morning of actually sitting down at the table to eat breakfast was appreciated by all of us. It was also the morning that I finally came up with a plan.

I sat down at the computer - sent out this email, and sighed. It was a gift I knew {or maybe just desperately hoped} he would love.

Hi all! Mason's birthday is quickly approaching ... FRIDAY! I know this is a bit last minute, but as I was sitting in the quiet house this morning looking at the boxes we've packed, I came up with a plan!

With it being such a busy time for us ... Christmas, moving, and interesting weather ... and the fact that Mason does not need any more toys - as he has filled at least 5 boxes :) ... here is my idea.

Please think of '5' things you like, know, appreciate ... about Mason.

Also think of 1 thing that you could do with him during the next year... his year of being '5'

Reply back to me with the 5 things about him and the activity you are willing to do with him either today or tomorrow ...

I'm making him his very own planner/notebook like Ian's ... for his 5th year ... and would love to have him be able to add some appointments :)

You do not have to set a date for the activity ... we'll work on that later. :)

Just get the info back to me, I'll type it up and add some clip art or something :) and make him certificates for activities. These will all go in a variety of envelopes for him to open Friday for his birthday.

Thank you so much and please know how much we love and appreciate all of you! I know this may take a little extra time, but it is a gift I think he will treasure!!

The replies started coming in ... and each time that they would show up in my inbox, my heart jumped with excitement.

Excitement and joy because it's truly a gift to read what others love about your children.
And peace in my heart because the gift of time {during a not so busy time of the year} is priceless. It can't break, it doesn't go out of style, and it means everything that someone wants to spend some time with you!
............................

Thursday the replies kept coming & my parents arrived. They kept the boys, and Ian & I went to my classroom to get the planner put together. It was such a fun project for us as well. We came home late, decorated the kitchen table and went to bed. Our boy would be 5 in just a few short hours.

...............................

Mason's planner has pockets filled with stickers, scratch paper, and a couple of gift cards to his favorite places. It has several pages of the lists of '5' things that others know/love/appreciate about him. There is a calendar for 2010 in the back, complete with birthdays of Mason's friends and family, and the certificates of time have been slipped into the pockets as he has opened them.

I wasn't totally sure if he'd get the whole thing, but he did ... and he has asked us to read the pages and certificates over and over again.

..........................

Mason's 5th birthday was one of the best! It was filled with excitement every 30 minutes as he opened his cards.
We ate lunch at McDonalds, went bowling after school, had dinner at Aunt Bryn and Uncle Josh's house, and enjoyed cupcakes from Mimzy.

It was a birthday where a lot of his favorite people weren't there, but in all actuality, they were ... and still are ... because that planner and certificates go everywhere with him.

Thank you Sara for the idea. It's a GREAT one!!

Thank you friends and family ... your words, your gifts of time, and your love make our world a great place to be!

..........................

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.

And I got to be there to see it all unfold.

...................................

The travels of Joseph and Mary.

The knock on the doors of many.

The stable.

The animals.

The angles rejoicing in His birth.

Baby Jesus loved and adored.

The shepherds.

The wise men.

The magic.

.....................................

4 year old preschool bringing the story of baby Jesus to life.

There is nothing quite like it.

Nothing at all.

That smile...

is one of the many, many characteristics that others love about you.

And today ...

starting at breakfast ...



every 30 minutes on the {18th} of December, 2009 ...

you'll be given one of these to open ...



and you know what sweet boy of mine?!

You're going to find out just how much the people in your world love you!

Are you ready?!

I sure am.

Happy Birthday Mas ~ it's the beginning of another amazing trip around the sun!

. . . We ♥ you . . .

that's my boy.

wrapping up a few presents from around the house today for me, Mack and daddy too!

...............................................

I used to do this same thing as a young girl.

I loved wrapping presents and I loved watching others open what I thought they'd love.

I didn't feel pressure.

There wasn't any anxiety about picking the 'perfect' gift.

I didn't feel like it was something I had to do because others expected it.

And it didn't cost a thing.

You see, I'd wrap up things my other family members had set aside and maybe even forgotten for a bit of time.

I'd shut myself in my room with boxes, ribbon and wrapping paper for about an hour and then 'deliver' the goods.

I did it several times throughout the year and they all loved it.

It wasn't about the gift being {new} or {expensive} or even {perfect}.

It was about giving.

Period.

....................................

I've never told Mason about what I did, and today, as I was wrapping presents for my students, he wrapped up a variety of things from around the house.

I have no idea what.

I only know that he smiled each time he walked out of his room with another {package}.

.....................................

We don't have a lot of money this Christmas.

There haven't been presents purchased.

At least not presents that can be wrapped.

The presents that will be opened in just a few short days aren't presents that are enjoyed for a day or two and then forgotten.

They aren't presents that go out of style.

They are presents that are labeled with love.

Presents that don't cost much in terms of money, but are priceless in every other sense.

Time together.

A new home.

Favorite items that have been given a 2nd chance.

Good food.

Family.

Love.

..........................................

I've been teaching my students about {needs} vs. {wants} ... and you know what ... I think kids have a better understanding of it than adults do.

My boys are going to have one of the best Christmas' ever.

Not because of the stuff they did or didn't get.

But because we're together, we're healthy, and stuff is {temporary}.

A multitude of much.

I'm not gone.

We haven't moved.

I have no excuses of why my blog has had a record low number of posts in the past 3 weeks.

No excuse at all ... except that life has just been different.

Good, God-filled ... but different.

And you know what, I think I've been missed.

Mostly by me.

Terribly.

The photos.

The stories.

Faith that is alive and well.

Missed.

Not absent, but definitely not the same.

Never fear ... I'm back.
................................

Mason ... running the last bit of his 5th journey around the sun. His birthday is on Friday & my sweet boy will be '5'. Amazing.

This room is one of the many rooms filled with paneling and carpet in our new home. As of yesterday, the curtains are gone, the paneling has been painted, Bryn and Josh finished ripping out all the carpet, and hard wood is being laid. Darcy and Lindsay were angels straight from heaven & painted 6+ hours with me yesterday while Papa George & Mimzy watched the boys. It was definitely a team effort.

Mason is loving school & his drawings are always a topic of discussion and are pretty humorous.
I still can't figure out why I'm so 'big' compared to the others.

Leslie ... arms open wide with love! Thanks for being a 'great' cousin to my boys this weekend.

And Morgan ... well, you're Mack's favorite. Enough said. 'grin'

Mack ... the cutest 2 year old EVER. Seriously ... Our love for you and your personality grows daily.

And the Rocky Heights Christmas concert ... definitely a highlight of last week. All but one of my students were at the evening performance & I couldn't have been prouder of their singing or enthusiasm.

.................................

Multitudes of much.

We all have so much to be thankful for.

To appreciate.

To recognize.

Praying your 'much' is as great as mine.

our tree {2009}

"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."
~ Larry Wilde, author 'The Merry Book of Christmas'.

.........................

We have our tree.

We're not sure where to put it yet because we're not sure where we'll be on Christmas, and the ornaments are packed - along with most everything else, but we have it.

And that's what counts.

a little snow from heaven.

As Ian, Mack and I made our way home late (very late) Saturday night ... we got a phone call to tell us it was snowing at Bama's!

I'm certain that it was a gift straight from heaven for these sweet kids (Uncle Robert included) to enjoy on what could possibly have been their last {stay} at Merry Meadows.

Thank you Bama!

We're all missing you so much ~

Tall Grass.

Almost 5 years ago I became a mom.

Little did I know how it would change me.

I mean, I always knew that life would be different, but I guess I didn't realize how much I would learn from my children.

Daily.

There is a lot going on in our world right now, and the Christmas season has just added to it.

But you know what, we've still made time to sit & just be ... and enjoy each other.

And although doesn't look like we'll have decorations out or a tree in the house anytime soon, we're still celebrating.

Celebrating the birth of Jesus.

Celebrating life.

Celebrating grace.

And adding joy to everything we can.

......................

We're together.

We're moving forward on so many levels.

And we're resting.

Resting in tall grass.

Surrounded by His love!

Thanks Darcy for this picture. It has captured this 'season' we're in perfectly!

Resting.

Trusting.

Anticipating the best.

Are you finding time to rest during this busy time?

Are you trusting in His provision?

Are you anticipating the birthday of the Savior?

I hope and pray that you are.

Celebrating Life.

The ground was white with frost.

The fog rolled away and lifted as the sun light shone across the frozen farm land.

Mt. St. Helens was radiant above the tree line.

An early morning graveside service was just what Bama would have wanted.

And she got it.

It was perfect.

Clear.

Bright.

Beautiful.

Everything that she was.

Inside the church {her church} a few hours later, the sun light brought the stained glass to life.

Family and friends visited & ate together.

Remembering.

Celebrating a life well lived.

Encouraging one another to carry her legacy on.

And Mack ... well, he spent a good amount of time shouting praise and thanksgiving for Bama.

And I know she was smiling.

'You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth' ~ Henry Louis Mencken

'And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.' ~ Abraham Lincoln

'Seek the wisdom of the ages, but look at the world through the eyes of a child.' ~ Ron Wild

Intentional.

Sometimes - whether it's intentional or not - reality stares you down.

I'm home this morning.

Folding laundry.

Packing.

About to leave for the dentist - in hopes that my broken tooth can be fixed.

I've got a few extra minutes.

I open Pandora.com ... turn up the volume and open up the blog I told you about yesterday.

Jenni Catron.

I don't know her.

We live states apart.

But she has written about things I need to be reading right now.

And I'm thankful for this woman that has helped me look reality in the face without even knowing it.

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I don't juggle life intentionally.

I don't try to 'do it all' intentionally.

But somehow ... someway ... I've become a juggler.

.................................

Today & tomorrow ... and the days to come, I'm going to read these quotes again and again, and remember ...

“‘Having it all’ doesn’t mean having everything, all at once, all the time. ‘Having it all’ means taking yourself seriously. It means knowing yourself well enough to find your purpose in life. It means knowing what needs to change when you sense that you’ve lost that purpose. It means having the faith to believe that change is possible and the courage to make those changes. It means drawing strength from the relationships in your life, and, if there’s no strength to be drawn, knowing when to cut those relationships out of your life.

The conventional image of a successful woman today is that she’s a virtuoso juggler, somehow moving fast enough to keep all the many aspects of her busy life in the air at the same time. This is a common image, but it’s also quite sad. the core skill of juggling is throwing, not catching. To keep every object in the air, you have to get rid of each one as quickly as possible, barely allowing it to register on your fingertips before you toss it up and away, preparing for the next object to throw.

A strong life is the opposite of juggling. Juggling requires you to keep everything at bay, up in the air, away from you. The secret to living a strong life lies in knowing how to draw a few things in toward you. It asks you to be discriminating, selective, intentional. You can find energizing moments in each aspect of your life, but to do so you must learn how to catch them, hold on to them, to feel the pull of their weight and allow yourself to follow where they lead.”

From: Find Your Strongest Life by Marcus Buckingham

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Can you guess what I'm going to buy with my Barnes & Noble gift card?

Galatians 6

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

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Found a new blog the other day ... LOVE it!

I think you may enjoy it too.

Jenni Catron ... check her out and be prepared to {grow}.

Bama.

Republished today ... Bama (age 95) is now in Heaven.

She will be missed so very, very much ... and our only hope is that her grace, humor, whit & radiant spirit will live on! Love you Bama ~

Originally published 11.29.07

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while.....but our hearts forever.
~Author Unknown

I arrived home from school today with a runny nose, a sore throat, and tired eyes. The snow that covered our world this morning was now completely gone, leaving behind mud and a damp chill. I was ready to collapse on the couch, but had many things to accomplish before the 7:00 baby shower I had committed to attend. I rushed about the house and then noticed that Ian had brought the mail in. Most of it was junk mail. There were a couple of bills, a darling Christmas card from Tanya, a catalog, and some coupons. Quickly tossing the bills onto the counter, I spotted it...

~ the handwriting I've grown to cherish
~ the return address I love to see
~ the signature of Bama (Ian's grandma).

It was a postcard letting us know we were loved.
A postcard thanking us for making an effort to be there for Thanksgiving.
A postcard signed with hope and anticipation of another visit to come.

I hope and pray that at the "young" age of 92...

~ I will be writing notes to my grandchildren
~ I will share my love with those whom I hold dear
~ I will radiate wisdom & grace without saying a word
~ I will hold the hand of my 9th great-grandchild and smile.