{Murdock} is getting some awards at school today.
Hopefully he remembers which school he goes to ... and hopefully his mom washed his sweatshirt.
{so proud} of you Mason ... so very, very proud.
March 31, 2011
March 30, 2011
come {rain or shine}.
it's amazing how many people {show up} in our lives ... even when it's more rain than shine.
we're blessed.
blessed indeed.
this branding ... the {1st attempt of many}... and only a part of a day due to the weather ... was a success.
{2nd attempt} coming soon ... on a weekend near you.
come rain or shine ... but hopefully more {shine}than rain.
March 29, 2011
my dad.
the older I get, the more thankful I am for my dad .
his immeasurable amounts of patience.
his wisdom.
his passion for people.
his love languages of {time} and {acts of service}.
his desire to live the word {love}.
his gift of teaching and modeling ... and teaching some more.
and his ability to live his life loud.
.....................
and you know what ... the older my boys get, the more they appreciate him too.
{even when they don't feel so well}
Mack.
{during his 2+ hour stay in the E.R. last week}
{7 days later ...and finally better ... minus the fat lip}
I'd say that's proof that hunting for Easter eggs at a branding will make anyone better.
March 28, 2011
Top {10}.
We all have them …
Our top 10 favorite songs.
The 10 best movies we’ve ever watched.
The 10 restaurants we choose over others every single time.
Our top 10 favorite places to visit.
but …
What about the 10 movies that we hope we never have to see again?
What about the 10 songs that bring tears and pain?
What about our 10 least favorite places to dine?
What about the 10 worst vacations or road trips?
Somehow our {top 10’s} stay in a place in our memory that aren’t easily forgotten.
The good and the bad.
Our {top 10’s} tell a lot about us.
A lot.
They give others a glimpse into our lives …
and they speak volumes about the condition of our hearts.
Your heart … my heart.
The organ that keeps us alive.
The part of our body that beats to a rhythm created specifically for us.
The symbol of love.
………………………….
10 days ago I started a vacation of sorts.
A “break” in the routine.
A chance to “catch up” on that which is often put aside.
An opportunity to rest.
And that vacation … those 10 days … well, it turned out to be more about my heart and its condition than anything else.
10 days to learn a lot about love … and to learn how to live loved.
Day 1 included sleeping in, a 2 hour lunch date in town, tires rotated, oil changed and even part of a book read.
Day 2 was more about home, but also some grocery shopping, an opportunity to “lose” one son for about 5 minutes, a treat at Dairy Queen ... and the beginning of Mack’s bout with an intestinal bug.
Day 3 held questions and concerns about Mack, at least 15 rounds of throwing up, a trip to the E.R., some popsicles and Gatorade, and quick naps in between.
Day 4 brought reason to give Mack the other half of the anti-nausea pill, a good book started, playing cards on the bathroom floor, magic tricks, my parents arriving and my old children’s Bibles.
Day 5 seemed to be full of blessings – fresh air, the movie Lars and the Real Girl, $10 in returned cans put toward the purchase of Mason’s “pistol” set, 1 Samuel and David, a picnic dinner enjoyed around the dining room table and help for caring for a very sick boy.
Day 6 included hours of cleaning, sorting and throwing away, missing movies “found,” mail arriving at just the right time, Matthew 12:25, a closet ready to be filled, a donut delivery, and family.
Day 7 was spent in my classroom- cleaning, searching, sorting and preparing for last trimester, the sculpting of two boys souls, dried bananas, Hallmark cards, the reminder that none of us are the leading character in the story of our life, and if we think we are – we’re fooling ourselves, honest and raw conversations, and a hot shower for a boy that is STILL sick.
Day 8 brought dozens of cookies baked in my new oven, Mack’s laughter (finally), nurturing spirits and time with family, pictures to edit, canceled plans and a sigh of relief, Starbucks and beautiful fresh flowers delivered right to the house by Lindsay, and a rainbow – bright and beautiful.
Day 9 started early with phone calls and love from across the miles, loads of “stuff” and a lot of food too, a drive out to Echo, cowboys, hats, spurs, branding irons, a shack filled with women preparing a feast, shelter and warmth, and a day cut short due to weather.
Day 10 included enough leftovers to serve a good lunch and reason to put the extra “leaves” in the dining room table, saying goodbye to my parents and to Lindsay, my lost book finally found, staying inside all afternoon, and sun streaming through the window at the end of Spring Break.
………………………………..
I added over 100 entries in my journal of gratitude over the past 10 days … looking for goodness in the midst of frustration, seeing light at the end of daily battles, resting during the breaks in the storm, feeling loved… and in turn living loved.
……………………………………….
I start back today.
Back to getting myself and the boys ready by 6:45, back to checking email, back to teaching a classroom filled with kids, back to trying to stay within a reasonable daily schedule, back to life.
I’m tired and the day has just begun, but I’m loved … and I know it.
Our top 10 favorite songs.
The 10 best movies we’ve ever watched.
The 10 restaurants we choose over others every single time.
Our top 10 favorite places to visit.
but …
What about the 10 movies that we hope we never have to see again?
What about the 10 songs that bring tears and pain?
What about our 10 least favorite places to dine?
What about the 10 worst vacations or road trips?
Somehow our {top 10’s} stay in a place in our memory that aren’t easily forgotten.
The good and the bad.
Our {top 10’s} tell a lot about us.
A lot.
They give others a glimpse into our lives …
and they speak volumes about the condition of our hearts.
Your heart … my heart.
The organ that keeps us alive.
The part of our body that beats to a rhythm created specifically for us.
The symbol of love.
………………………….
10 days ago I started a vacation of sorts.
A “break” in the routine.
A chance to “catch up” on that which is often put aside.
An opportunity to rest.
And that vacation … those 10 days … well, it turned out to be more about my heart and its condition than anything else.
10 days to learn a lot about love … and to learn how to live loved.
Day 1 included sleeping in, a 2 hour lunch date in town, tires rotated, oil changed and even part of a book read.
Day 2 was more about home, but also some grocery shopping, an opportunity to “lose” one son for about 5 minutes, a treat at Dairy Queen ... and the beginning of Mack’s bout with an intestinal bug.
Day 3 held questions and concerns about Mack, at least 15 rounds of throwing up, a trip to the E.R., some popsicles and Gatorade, and quick naps in between.
Day 4 brought reason to give Mack the other half of the anti-nausea pill, a good book started, playing cards on the bathroom floor, magic tricks, my parents arriving and my old children’s Bibles.
Day 5 seemed to be full of blessings – fresh air, the movie Lars and the Real Girl, $10 in returned cans put toward the purchase of Mason’s “pistol” set, 1 Samuel and David, a picnic dinner enjoyed around the dining room table and help for caring for a very sick boy.
Day 6 included hours of cleaning, sorting and throwing away, missing movies “found,” mail arriving at just the right time, Matthew 12:25, a closet ready to be filled, a donut delivery, and family.
Day 7 was spent in my classroom- cleaning, searching, sorting and preparing for last trimester, the sculpting of two boys souls, dried bananas, Hallmark cards, the reminder that none of us are the leading character in the story of our life, and if we think we are – we’re fooling ourselves, honest and raw conversations, and a hot shower for a boy that is STILL sick.
Day 8 brought dozens of cookies baked in my new oven, Mack’s laughter (finally), nurturing spirits and time with family, pictures to edit, canceled plans and a sigh of relief, Starbucks and beautiful fresh flowers delivered right to the house by Lindsay, and a rainbow – bright and beautiful.
Day 9 started early with phone calls and love from across the miles, loads of “stuff” and a lot of food too, a drive out to Echo, cowboys, hats, spurs, branding irons, a shack filled with women preparing a feast, shelter and warmth, and a day cut short due to weather.
Day 10 included enough leftovers to serve a good lunch and reason to put the extra “leaves” in the dining room table, saying goodbye to my parents and to Lindsay, my lost book finally found, staying inside all afternoon, and sun streaming through the window at the end of Spring Break.
………………………………..
I added over 100 entries in my journal of gratitude over the past 10 days … looking for goodness in the midst of frustration, seeing light at the end of daily battles, resting during the breaks in the storm, feeling loved… and in turn living loved.
……………………………………….
I start back today.
Back to getting myself and the boys ready by 6:45, back to checking email, back to teaching a classroom filled with kids, back to trying to stay within a reasonable daily schedule, back to life.
I’m tired and the day has just begun, but I’m loved … and I know it.
March 17, 2011
March 16, 2011
March 15, 2011
33 years ago ...
I became a sister.
And my world has been brighter and better ever since.
Happy Birthday sweet sister of mine!!
You're loved.
And my world has been brighter and better ever since.
Happy Birthday sweet sister of mine!!
You're loved.
the storm. {part 2}
continued
Emotions seem to catch me by surprise.
No matter what I hope for, or anticipate, or even prepare for can keep me from shaking my head at the end of most days.
Today was one of those days.
I had made a mental map of what I thought would happen … what I thought should happen.
I had set some expectations of the people I care most about without even realizing it.
I wanted to be the point guard … maneuvering my way through each and every conversation, meal, spill, battle, choice, and discussion of the day … with a slam dunk and a victory at the end.
Day well done.
That’s what I wanted.
Funny thing is, every time I set expectations of the who, what, when, where and how in my world, I’m suddenly watching my day happen from the sidelines on a hard, cold bench … alone.
Everything I’d been doing and learning at practice had been forgotten.
The Coach’s voice was muffled by the roaring crowd and my own self-talk.
Expectations do that.
They muffle and hide and even distort the Voice you’re supposed to be listening to.
I expected some help.
I expected respect.
I expected some thanks.
I expected, I expected, I expected.
But when I tried to manipulate, and control, and weigh in with my opinion on every little thing, I suddenly slipped from being the player with the best shot, the best defense, the best ball control, the best free-throw percentage … to a bench warmer.
All the things I had been doing to prepare for the “game" ... gone.
I had practiced and practiced and practiced.
I had spent hours shooting free-throws.
I had read play books and spent time each day talking to and listening to the Coach.
And then the game began.
And I forgot everything.
I forgot that I was part of a team.
I forgot that I actually had to maneuver my way around live human beings with real feelings and emotions instead of a cone.
I only saw myself.
………………………..
Storms often, but not always, hit us by surprise.
Games begin with the blow of a whistle and the tip of a ball.
And suddenly, you’re standing at the top of the key … or on edge of a storm, and you realize you have a choice to make – probably even more than just one.
A choice to drive hard and fast toward the basket, knocking down (and possibly injuring) those that have found themselves in your path … which could even be some of your own teammates.
A choice to put a play into motion, knowing you really have no control over what might happen next.
A choice to see the whole court and not just the basket.
A choice to listen for the Coaches voice … and really “hear” it.
A choice to remember and apply everything you’ve been practicing.
A choice to find cover as the clouds roll in.
A choice to grab hold of the glimpse of hope you see in your reflection and believe in it.
………………………….
Watching myself cry did something to me.
The mirror seemed to magically show me truth.
I saw my reflection …and the pathetic quiver my chin makes when I cry … but I also saw humbleness.
I saw brokenness, but I did not see failure.
I saw a member of a team that was trying to win the game that day on her own … but I also became a member of a team that knew it was time to ask for a "time out."
…………………….
To be a part of a team you have to practice commitment.
Commitment to your teammates.
Not just expectations for your teammates.
Commitment to your Coach.
Not just at practice.
Commitment to your fans.
Not for the glory, but for the opportunity to share life and excitement and heart-stopping plays.
Bring on March Madness.
Bring on the storms.
Bring the rain.
I’ve got an umbrella, the best team in the world, a Coach with an amazing winning streak ... and the most loyal and faithful fans.
What more could I ask for?
Emotions seem to catch me by surprise.
No matter what I hope for, or anticipate, or even prepare for can keep me from shaking my head at the end of most days.
Today was one of those days.
I had made a mental map of what I thought would happen … what I thought should happen.
I had set some expectations of the people I care most about without even realizing it.
I wanted to be the point guard … maneuvering my way through each and every conversation, meal, spill, battle, choice, and discussion of the day … with a slam dunk and a victory at the end.
Day well done.
That’s what I wanted.
Funny thing is, every time I set expectations of the who, what, when, where and how in my world, I’m suddenly watching my day happen from the sidelines on a hard, cold bench … alone.
Everything I’d been doing and learning at practice had been forgotten.
The Coach’s voice was muffled by the roaring crowd and my own self-talk.
Expectations do that.
They muffle and hide and even distort the Voice you’re supposed to be listening to.
I expected some help.
I expected respect.
I expected some thanks.
I expected, I expected, I expected.
But when I tried to manipulate, and control, and weigh in with my opinion on every little thing, I suddenly slipped from being the player with the best shot, the best defense, the best ball control, the best free-throw percentage … to a bench warmer.
All the things I had been doing to prepare for the “game" ... gone.
I had practiced and practiced and practiced.
I had spent hours shooting free-throws.
I had read play books and spent time each day talking to and listening to the Coach.
And then the game began.
And I forgot everything.
I forgot that I was part of a team.
I forgot that I actually had to maneuver my way around live human beings with real feelings and emotions instead of a cone.
I only saw myself.
………………………..
Storms often, but not always, hit us by surprise.
Games begin with the blow of a whistle and the tip of a ball.
And suddenly, you’re standing at the top of the key … or on edge of a storm, and you realize you have a choice to make – probably even more than just one.
A choice to drive hard and fast toward the basket, knocking down (and possibly injuring) those that have found themselves in your path … which could even be some of your own teammates.
A choice to put a play into motion, knowing you really have no control over what might happen next.
A choice to see the whole court and not just the basket.
A choice to listen for the Coaches voice … and really “hear” it.
A choice to remember and apply everything you’ve been practicing.
A choice to find cover as the clouds roll in.
A choice to grab hold of the glimpse of hope you see in your reflection and believe in it.
………………………….
Watching myself cry did something to me.
The mirror seemed to magically show me truth.
I saw my reflection …and the pathetic quiver my chin makes when I cry … but I also saw humbleness.
I saw brokenness, but I did not see failure.
I saw a member of a team that was trying to win the game that day on her own … but I also became a member of a team that knew it was time to ask for a "time out."
…………………….
To be a part of a team you have to practice commitment.
Commitment to your teammates.
Not just expectations for your teammates.
Commitment to your Coach.
Not just at practice.
Commitment to your fans.
Not for the glory, but for the opportunity to share life and excitement and heart-stopping plays.
Bring on March Madness.
Bring on the storms.
Bring the rain.
I’ve got an umbrella, the best team in the world, a Coach with an amazing winning streak ... and the most loyal and faithful fans.
What more could I ask for?
March 14, 2011
"better than I deserve."
303. the safe feeling I have dropping Mason off at school.
304. a clean classroom – even if it is only for a few more minutes.
307. Mc Teacher’s night and the beverage counter job.
308. shoelaces to untie, socks to remove … feet to breathe.
309. discipline to write in this journal every. single. day.
Romans 12:1
Take your everyday ordinary life – your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life – and place it before God as an offering.
312. “better than I deserve” ... my new response to {how are you?}
315. a hot shower and plenty of water.
316. Starbucks paid for by the person in the car in front of me.
317. enough $ to pay for the person in the car behind me.
318. watercolors and rainbows.
320. warm PJ’s and a couch to lay on.
322. a phone that doesn’t ring very often – I enjoy quiet. Surprising.
323. eyes that need to rest – so thankful that I can see.
324. the “other” box from Cabelas.
325. coloring contests.
329. a “slower” morning with most of my class. what a difference it makes to have 4 less kids.
“Don’t see today as a blank page that you need to fill up. Live it! I have lovingly and carefully planned this day for you. Be on the lookout for what I am doing. Ask Me to show you the wonders of this day.” March 10, Jesus Calling
342. grandma’s rice pudding baked in my new oven. Blessed.
343. praise for a well written letter.
344. a home filled with so much … much more than we could ever possibly need.
351. breakfast for dinner and “help” cleaning up.
352. fair winds and following seas. I love that line.
“To be more like Paul – to have a full heart even when deprived of creature comforts, rather than an empty heart while surrounded with (but oblivious to) abundant blessings." Choosing Gratitude, pg. 878.
354. listening ears.
355. a high five over the phone and several via facebook.
356. inspiration and desire surging through my blood to actually make things work and work well.
357. a phone call from my principal and a sincere apology.
359. time taken to write words of thanks to the teachers in Echo.
379. the story of Sampson.
380. Ava’s 3rd birthday.
383. clean bathrooms and all signs of “boys” wiped away.
386. opportunities to ask for forgiveness and the reminder … over and over again … I cannot do this life without Him.
387. You have to want to see the well before you drink from it. – Ann Voskamp
388. We don’t have to change what we see – only the way we see. Feel thanks and it’s absolutely impossible to feel angry. We can only experience one emotion at a time. And we get to choose – which emotion do we want to feel? – Ann Voskamp
390. A book that speaks directly to my soul.
391. a nap. a really great nap.
The secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is!
392. hurt and the ability to see past it toward love.
399. dedication of the new wing of our church … May God move in and through those walls.
401. perspective and the power our choices have to influence us – for good and for bad.
404. Lisa and the freedom to cry in the middle of the boys clothing section at WalMart.
405. thank you notes … notes of encouragement delivered.
406. groceries unloaded by JP, Leland, Cain and Calgary at the start of a terrible wind storm.
407. talking eye to eye & heart to heart with Ian ... hearing what I needed to hear – and feeling what my heart needed to know as truth.
412. clean boys, tired boys, loved boys.
304. a clean classroom – even if it is only for a few more minutes.
307. Mc Teacher’s night and the beverage counter job.
308. shoelaces to untie, socks to remove … feet to breathe.
309. discipline to write in this journal every. single. day.
Romans 12:1
Take your everyday ordinary life – your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life – and place it before God as an offering.
312. “better than I deserve” ... my new response to {how are you?}
315. a hot shower and plenty of water.
316. Starbucks paid for by the person in the car in front of me.
317. enough $ to pay for the person in the car behind me.
318. watercolors and rainbows.
320. warm PJ’s and a couch to lay on.
322. a phone that doesn’t ring very often – I enjoy quiet. Surprising.
323. eyes that need to rest – so thankful that I can see.
324. the “other” box from Cabelas.
325. coloring contests.
329. a “slower” morning with most of my class. what a difference it makes to have 4 less kids.
333. powerful and meaningful words recommending another teacher in the making.
334. spell check.
335. a picture of Whitey sent from Molly … the cow that everyone can’t help but love.
336. “time” to do grades and a quiet classroom.
337. conversations to help me get the bigger picture.
338. commitment, dedication and habits worth keeping.
340. temperatures above 60 and bits of sunshine.
341. the ability to read.
342. grandma’s rice pudding baked in my new oven. Blessed.
343. praise for a well written letter.
344. a home filled with so much … much more than we could ever possibly need.
351. breakfast for dinner and “help” cleaning up.
352. fair winds and following seas. I love that line.
“To be more like Paul – to have a full heart even when deprived of creature comforts, rather than an empty heart while surrounded with (but oblivious to) abundant blessings." Choosing Gratitude, pg. 878.
354. listening ears.
355. a high five over the phone and several via facebook.
356. inspiration and desire surging through my blood to actually make things work and work well.
357. a phone call from my principal and a sincere apology.
359. time taken to write words of thanks to the teachers in Echo.
360. 2 hours of driving through God’s beautiful “cattle country” and time to just be.
361. dinner at Subway – very late, but very perfect.
365. a teacher resource at my fingertips and wonderful ideas to support my efforts.
369. birthday cookies and extra recess.
372. a view I love so very much.
373. trail mix and the tiny bits of goodness it holds.
374. help from Jess.
377. a razor – new and sharp – smoothing the legs that hold me up – that help me stand firm.
378. a bubble bath.379. the story of Sampson.
380. Ava’s 3rd birthday.
383. clean bathrooms and all signs of “boys” wiped away.
386. opportunities to ask for forgiveness and the reminder … over and over again … I cannot do this life without Him.
387. You have to want to see the well before you drink from it. – Ann Voskamp
388. We don’t have to change what we see – only the way we see. Feel thanks and it’s absolutely impossible to feel angry. We can only experience one emotion at a time. And we get to choose – which emotion do we want to feel? – Ann Voskamp
390. A book that speaks directly to my soul.
391. a nap. a really great nap.
The secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is!
392. hurt and the ability to see past it toward love.
399. dedication of the new wing of our church … May God move in and through those walls.
401. perspective and the power our choices have to influence us – for good and for bad.
404. Lisa and the freedom to cry in the middle of the boys clothing section at WalMart.
405. thank you notes … notes of encouragement delivered.
406. groceries unloaded by JP, Leland, Cain and Calgary at the start of a terrible wind storm.
407. talking eye to eye & heart to heart with Ian ... hearing what I needed to hear – and feeling what my heart needed to know as truth.
412. clean boys, tired boys, loved boys.
the storm. {part 1}
I could feel it coming.
The air began to change and the clouds seemed to take a shape of their own.
My bones started to ache.
A storm had been lingering on the horizon … and there was no longer a way to avoid it.
It had been there all week.
An occasional gust of wind.
Periodic downpours.
And even a cold front or two.
I couldn’t stop it.
I couldn’t detour it.
But oh, how I tried.
Maybe if I had closed the curtains.
Maybe if I had driven a little to the west and then the north … or south … as fast as I could.
Maybe if I had chosen different words.
Maybe if I hadn’t hit send.
Maybe if …
Life is full of “maybe ifs.
And honestly, I’m sick of making excuses.
Excuse like:
Maybe if I had gone to bed a little earlier.
Maybe if I had worked a little harder.
Maybe if I had spent my time a bit more wisely.
Maybe if I stopped thinking … and started doing.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
The storm hit.
And it hit hard.
A kink in my neck.
A sore throat.
A birthday party a couple hundred miles away.
A pile of bank statements.
A mountain of school work.
A stack of bills.
A heap (or five) of laundry.
Dirty bathrooms.
Dirty dishes.
Dirty floors.
Dirt, dirt and more dirt.
The wind started blowing first.
And as it blew, the piles seemed to scatter.
Just when I thought I had it figured out how to manage/manipulate one pile at a time, the piles multiplied.
With the wind came tears as well.
Tears of exhaustion.
Sobs of overwhelming frustration.
Gasps for fresh air as the dust and dirt swirled.
Pride wiped away.
Hadn’t I just taught an extremely chaotic, yet productive week of school?
Hadn’t I just balanced our checking account, only to realize that there is less than I thought left to spend?
Hadn’t I just made the same beds I am now remaking already several times this week?
Hadn’t I searched for joy through the struggles and the pain … and found glimpses of hope?
Hadn’t I cried out enough … and experienced God’s grace, love and protection each and every day this week?
I sat in the chair in the corner of my bedroom.
I swiveled it around to face my closet door mirror.
I saw so much emotion in the reflection staring back at me.
The mom who had just told her two boys to get out of her sight as she cleaned up every little piece of trail mix they had spilled on the floor.
The wife who chose to say nothing, rather than exploding earlier that morning when she realized that once again, she was on her own for the day.
The woman who kneeled down and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed … only to find more dirt.
The daughter who called and couldn’t muster up any words between the sobs.
The sister who whispered that she was sorry she wasn’t there.
The friend who asked “why me?” … “why now?” … “where is the joy?” … and then simply asked for prayer.
And then I saw it.
From the corner of my eye.
The sign that reminds me to look at the big picture.
The framed picture that portrays so much of my life.
The word that has kept me here.
commitment.
Here.
Living this life that is often as far from glamorous as it gets.
Living this life that has taught me {made me} to see good – even in the bad.
The reflection that continues to prove so much about who I’m becoming.
A woman of weakness, but at the same time, so much Strength.
A woman filled with fear, but at the same time, so much Hope.
A woman filled with insecurities, but at the same time, so much Confidence.
I sat, and I stared and I sobbed.
To be continued.
The air began to change and the clouds seemed to take a shape of their own.
My bones started to ache.
A storm had been lingering on the horizon … and there was no longer a way to avoid it.
It had been there all week.
An occasional gust of wind.
Periodic downpours.
And even a cold front or two.
I couldn’t stop it.
I couldn’t detour it.
But oh, how I tried.
Maybe if I had closed the curtains.
Maybe if I had driven a little to the west and then the north … or south … as fast as I could.
Maybe if I had chosen different words.
Maybe if I hadn’t hit send.
Maybe if …
Life is full of “maybe ifs.
And honestly, I’m sick of making excuses.
Excuse like:
Maybe if I had gone to bed a little earlier.
Maybe if I had worked a little harder.
Maybe if I had spent my time a bit more wisely.
Maybe if I stopped thinking … and started doing.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
The storm hit.
And it hit hard.
A kink in my neck.
A sore throat.
A birthday party a couple hundred miles away.
A pile of bank statements.
A mountain of school work.
A stack of bills.
A heap (or five) of laundry.
Dirty bathrooms.
Dirty dishes.
Dirty floors.
Dirt, dirt and more dirt.
The wind started blowing first.
And as it blew, the piles seemed to scatter.
Just when I thought I had it figured out how to manage/manipulate one pile at a time, the piles multiplied.
With the wind came tears as well.
Tears of exhaustion.
Sobs of overwhelming frustration.
Gasps for fresh air as the dust and dirt swirled.
Pride wiped away.
Hadn’t I just taught an extremely chaotic, yet productive week of school?
Hadn’t I just balanced our checking account, only to realize that there is less than I thought left to spend?
Hadn’t I just made the same beds I am now remaking already several times this week?
Hadn’t I searched for joy through the struggles and the pain … and found glimpses of hope?
Hadn’t I cried out enough … and experienced God’s grace, love and protection each and every day this week?
I sat in the chair in the corner of my bedroom.
I swiveled it around to face my closet door mirror.
I saw so much emotion in the reflection staring back at me.
The mom who had just told her two boys to get out of her sight as she cleaned up every little piece of trail mix they had spilled on the floor.
The wife who chose to say nothing, rather than exploding earlier that morning when she realized that once again, she was on her own for the day.
The woman who kneeled down and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed … only to find more dirt.
The daughter who called and couldn’t muster up any words between the sobs.
The sister who whispered that she was sorry she wasn’t there.
The friend who asked “why me?” … “why now?” … “where is the joy?” … and then simply asked for prayer.
And then I saw it.
From the corner of my eye.
The sign that reminds me to look at the big picture.
The framed picture that portrays so much of my life.
The word that has kept me here.
commitment.
Here.
Living this life that is often as far from glamorous as it gets.
Living this life that has taught me {made me} to see good – even in the bad.
The reflection that continues to prove so much about who I’m becoming.
A woman of weakness, but at the same time, so much Strength.
A woman filled with fear, but at the same time, so much Hope.
A woman filled with insecurities, but at the same time, so much Confidence.
I sat, and I stared and I sobbed.
To be continued.
March 11, 2011
5 on friday.
{1} I love to wear scarves ... so although I've been wishing for warmer weather, I will miss wearing scarves.
{2} I love reading books about leprechauns to first graders ... especially the one called Leprechauns Never Lie.
{3} I pulled up to Starbucks the other day and ordered my standard {Caramel Apple Spice} ... and when I got to the window to pay the car in front of me had already bought my drink ... and my piece of pumpkin loaf. I've always heard of that happening to other people ... and now, I'm one of the {others}.
{4} Ranch life is hard. Lots of crap, lots of laundry, lots of unknowns, lots of hay, lots of cows and calves, lots of fences to fix, lots of hours. But it's also a lifestyle that is teaching me so much about trusting God and believing in the unseen. Nothing is predictable and no schedule can ever be made ... and as frustrating as that can be {most of the time} ... I'm learning and trying to practice patience like I never have before. And ... I'm pretty sure I've been saying that for the past 8 years ... so I guess I'll keep saying it.
{5} I heard this song on the radio this morning ... well, it sums life up right now ... it's about being blessed - through every up and down ...
Be blessed.
{2} I love reading books about leprechauns to first graders ... especially the one called Leprechauns Never Lie.
{3} I pulled up to Starbucks the other day and ordered my standard {Caramel Apple Spice} ... and when I got to the window to pay the car in front of me had already bought my drink ... and my piece of pumpkin loaf. I've always heard of that happening to other people ... and now, I'm one of the {others}.
{4} Ranch life is hard. Lots of crap, lots of laundry, lots of unknowns, lots of hay, lots of cows and calves, lots of fences to fix, lots of hours. But it's also a lifestyle that is teaching me so much about trusting God and believing in the unseen. Nothing is predictable and no schedule can ever be made ... and as frustrating as that can be {most of the time} ... I'm learning and trying to practice patience like I never have before. And ... I'm pretty sure I've been saying that for the past 8 years ... so I guess I'll keep saying it.
{5} I heard this song on the radio this morning ... well, it sums life up right now ... it's about being blessed - through every up and down ...
Be blessed.
March 10, 2011
give me five ...
way up high.
.........................
have you received or given a {high five} recently?
for a job well done?
for a project complete?
for a {I'm glad you're on my team} acknowledgement?
for anything?
................................
Sometimes we forget that we need to thank the people around us ... for the little stuff (and the big stuff) that they do to make our world a better place.
So find someone in your world {big or small} and give them that acknowledgement that they deserve ... and maybe even slap their hand.
Just make sure you check it for {dirt} first.
March 9, 2011
March 8, 2011
kneeling down.
it's something I do almost every day in my classroom.
kneeling down to tie a shoe.
kneeling down to see eye to eye.
kneeling down to pick up the scattered papers and pencils strewn.
yes ... I kneel down a lot.
but... the more I ponder God's grace and mercy and unending love ... the more I realize that my kneeling down can be so much more than what it is (or what it has been).
................................
kneeling down ... a reminder to cry out for help.
kneeling down ... a reminder to ask for forgiveness.
kneeling down ... a reminder to worship.
kneeling down .... a reminder to pray.
kneeling down ... a reminder to love.
.....................
so as I catch myself kneeling down over and over and over again each day ...
in my classroom,
on the playground,
in the bedroom of two little boys I love so much ...
mopping up spills,
cleaning the grime,
putting clothes away ...
wherever my knees may take me,
may I always and easily remember the power a minute or two {down} really has.
March 7, 2011
In my life...
may the God that gives me life ... be lifted high.
Hillsong Chapel, Yahweh ... Came to My Rescue
.............................
196. rest ... despite the wind-shaken house.
199. tired students = oddly calm students = not always a good thing.
200. “how-to” videos from Joe B.
202. 100 ear tags for Mason’s 100th day of Kindergarten.
204. feet rubbed, hair washed and lotion applied to soften the skin … and the heart.
205. a jewel in His crown – made just the way He wants me to be. No more – no less … perfect!
Isaiah 61:10-11
206. singing yourself to sleep – dreaming of adventures with friends . Oh to be 6 again.
207. Dr. Seuss hats in every mix and match of color.
208. having to wait for an answer.
209. vocabulary lessons that mean more about my attitude than those of my students.
212. dinner out for under $10 – and leftovers to bring home.
213. friends that get me, love me, dream with me, hope with me and pray for me.
214. the way Mack’s nose “smells” everything and anything – all the time!
217. a name drawn and a new book won.
218. a stereo to drown out the whining and grumbling – an opportunity to cry out to Jesus for help and hear peace over the roar of the storm.
"When you pray, tell Me what you need and then thank Me. Thank Me for listening. Thank Me for answering. And thank Me for the chance (the opportunity) to trust Me more. You see, I use your tough times to make you a better, stronger person."
Jesus Calling, March 1
220. knowing when to say enough is enough.
222. the shadows lit up … shining into and over words of hope, words of trust, words of valor.
224. one less morning passenger and a hard lesson learned.
226. a contract renewed.
227. pajamas. lots and lots of pajamas.
231. 38 years shared by my parents.
233. a new blog to follow and a life to pray over.
234. rain drops and a little tongue sticking out to catch the drops.
235. Chinese take-out and phone calls to Nebraska.
237. another month updated in Quick books.
238. Mason’s teacher.
240. windshield wipers washing the exhaustion of the day away.
241. understanding technology and trying new things.
242. sharing Jesus with co-workers.
244. test results … and positive ones.
246. bookshelves and their potential to change things.
247. good writing, creative writing … attempts at getting thoughts from here to there.
250. pride, potential changes and positive thinking.
251. clothespins, coupons and creativity hung.
252. rolling dice with friends and the power it has to roll the worries and stress of a day away.
255. a new stove and oven – beautiful in so many, many ways.
260. air-popped popcorn at 8:30 in the morning.
264. dinner prepared by Ian.
265. a box from Cabela’s and pick up seats saved from any further damage. hopefully.
267. fresh sheets.
269. Mason’s love of looking the part of a rancher.
271. no room for worry worms.
273. a washing machine that works and a dryer too!
274. dirty little boys with imaginations that soar.
275. lunch trays and a meal enjoyed outside.
276. quiet. lots and lots of quiet … with a few moo’s in the midst.
277. I love you high … I love you low … I love you deep … I love you wide.
278. sunshine, shadows and slow moving clouds.
279. a green t-shirt and a bit of Irish blood.
281. a clean comforter.
287. steaks on the BBQ … beginning to smell like warmer weather.
290. I love you Lord, and I lift my voice … to worship you … oh my soul, rejoice. Take joy my King – in what you hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear.
292. 3+ hours of productive work at school.
295. homemade clam chowder and full stomachs.
296. time to think.
297. tired legs and feet = we didn’t sit down much today.
300. early to bed … early to rise … another busy day is only hours away.
301. a listening ear.
"Make friends with the problems in your life … and don’t forget to thank Me for them either. I use every single problem to teach you something … I can use your problems to chip away rough bits of stubbornness, pride, and selfishness to reveal my masterpiece – You!
I may not take your problems away, but I will make something good come out of them."
Jesus Calling, March 5
302. soft moo’s calling goodnight with little barks in the midst … the ranch whispers the day away.
Hillsong Chapel, Yahweh ... Came to My Rescue
.............................
196. rest ... despite the wind-shaken house.
199. tired students = oddly calm students = not always a good thing.
200. “how-to” videos from Joe B.
202. 100 ear tags for Mason’s 100th day of Kindergarten.
204. feet rubbed, hair washed and lotion applied to soften the skin … and the heart.
205. a jewel in His crown – made just the way He wants me to be. No more – no less … perfect!
Isaiah 61:10-11
206. singing yourself to sleep – dreaming of adventures with friends . Oh to be 6 again.
207. Dr. Seuss hats in every mix and match of color.
208. having to wait for an answer.
209. vocabulary lessons that mean more about my attitude than those of my students.
212. dinner out for under $10 – and leftovers to bring home.
213. friends that get me, love me, dream with me, hope with me and pray for me.
214. the way Mack’s nose “smells” everything and anything – all the time!
217. a name drawn and a new book won.
218. a stereo to drown out the whining and grumbling – an opportunity to cry out to Jesus for help and hear peace over the roar of the storm.
"When you pray, tell Me what you need and then thank Me. Thank Me for listening. Thank Me for answering. And thank Me for the chance (the opportunity) to trust Me more. You see, I use your tough times to make you a better, stronger person."
Jesus Calling, March 1
220. knowing when to say enough is enough.
222. the shadows lit up … shining into and over words of hope, words of trust, words of valor.
224. one less morning passenger and a hard lesson learned.
226. a contract renewed.
227. pajamas. lots and lots of pajamas.
231. 38 years shared by my parents.
233. a new blog to follow and a life to pray over.
234. rain drops and a little tongue sticking out to catch the drops.
235. Chinese take-out and phone calls to Nebraska.
237. another month updated in Quick books.
238. Mason’s teacher.
240. windshield wipers washing the exhaustion of the day away.
241. understanding technology and trying new things.
242. sharing Jesus with co-workers.
244. test results … and positive ones.
246. bookshelves and their potential to change things.
247. good writing, creative writing … attempts at getting thoughts from here to there.
250. pride, potential changes and positive thinking.
251. clothespins, coupons and creativity hung.
252. rolling dice with friends and the power it has to roll the worries and stress of a day away.
255. a new stove and oven – beautiful in so many, many ways.
260. air-popped popcorn at 8:30 in the morning.
264. dinner prepared by Ian.
265. a box from Cabela’s and pick up seats saved from any further damage. hopefully.
267. fresh sheets.
269. Mason’s love of looking the part of a rancher.
271. no room for worry worms.
273. a washing machine that works and a dryer too!
274. dirty little boys with imaginations that soar.
276. quiet. lots and lots of quiet … with a few moo’s in the midst.
277. I love you high … I love you low … I love you deep … I love you wide.
278. sunshine, shadows and slow moving clouds.
279. a green t-shirt and a bit of Irish blood.
281. a clean comforter.
287. steaks on the BBQ … beginning to smell like warmer weather.
290. I love you Lord, and I lift my voice … to worship you … oh my soul, rejoice. Take joy my King – in what you hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear.
292. 3+ hours of productive work at school.
295. homemade clam chowder and full stomachs.
296. time to think.
297. tired legs and feet = we didn’t sit down much today.
301. a listening ear.
"Make friends with the problems in your life … and don’t forget to thank Me for them either. I use every single problem to teach you something … I can use your problems to chip away rough bits of stubbornness, pride, and selfishness to reveal my masterpiece – You!
I may not take your problems away, but I will make something good come out of them."
Jesus Calling, March 5
302. soft moo’s calling goodnight with little barks in the midst … the ranch whispers the day away.
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