Direction.

This path is mine.

I find myself in this small space over and over again.

There is one way out, and one way in.

Sometimes, there is a whole herd pushing me from behind.

And then, at other times the path is completely clear of anything but remnants of those who have been here before me.

Which way did they go?

Did they push forward?

Did they try to turn in fear?

Did they get stuck in the middle?

.......................................

I sat in my car last night, thinking of this picture.

Both boys asleep.

The house completely dark.

My school {basket} overflowing.

My anxiety building.

The cold night air just on the other side of the door.

My to-do list in my hand.

Which way do I go?

..................................

I sat.

In the stillness.

And rested.

Not for a long time, but just enough to catch my breath and be still, knowing that the evening was far from over.

..................................

Today, I still don't know which way to go, but I am chosing to follow His direction.

It may be forward.

It may be back.

Whatever it is, it's right.

still here.

MOPS meeting.

College class assignments due soon.

Taking pictures.

Getting tax issues settled.

Dentist appointments for cleanings ... and a broken tooth.

Balancing the checkbook.

Meetings.

Bowling with Rocky Heights staff.

Testing for report cards.

Teaching science with Eryn from U of O.

A 2 year old with a bit of a cold.

A 4 year old wishing he was 18 ... or maybe 40.

Festival of Trees Family Day preparations.

Ordering photos of my family.

Living ... like everyone else.

....................................

and somewhere in there ... I do sleep.

....................................

So yes ... I'm still here.

Listening to the side bar music that I put on my blog.

Trying to stay balanced and beautiful.

Not just by appearance, but by actions and words.

Be beautiful inside, in your hearts, with the lasting charm of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God. {1 Peter 3:3-4}

Lord, help me to be gentle and quiet inside ... not angry and rushed.

A little too big ... and a little too small.

But perfect just the same.

They continue to {teach} me as I watch them play.

To use my imagination.

To not worry about image or status.

To continue looking up.

To play.

To get dirty & enjoy it.

To live for today.

And to know that life is good ... even when we are a mess.

..........................................

Today we've been {together}.

Making cupcakes & no-bake cookies. {and eating them too}

Rolling out dirt and raking up leaves.

Building toy fences and reading Richard Scary books.

Resting.

Hoping.

Laughing.

Playing.

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Has your Sunday been filled with HOPE as well?

If not.

Hope on.

Because sometimes - even when our hope feels a little too small or even a little too big ...

It's perfect just the same.

Perfect, when our hope is in Him.

... Every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. {Romans 8:28}

Lefty.

There are days when the teacher in me wants to scream.

And on those same days, the mother in me can't help but love you with everything I've got.

We're going to make it ... you and I.

A righty and a lefty.

Two totally different beings, and yet so much the same.

The {5th} ... during 2009.

Sometimes, it's good for the soul to go back and look at where you've come from.

I haven't taken many pictures lately.

It could be due to the busy schedule we've had.

It could be because of the {darkness} that comes soon after I pick the boys up from Deb's house.

It could be because I've spent more time playing with them, than {capturing} them.

Whatever it is, tonight was a chance for me to go back and look and see how much Mack has grown.

Most of these were taken on the 5th of each month in 2009. {except for November}

Some were a day or two off, but not by much.

He's grown so very, very much ... and sometimes I don't even realize how quickly he's changing.

I guess that's one GREAT reason to take pictures.

................................

It's amazing how fast time goes by.

And it's even more amazing that God's grace has surrounded us day, after day, after day.

These pictures are proof.

.......................................

Happy {5th} of November.

I'm praying you have as much to be thankful for as I do.

{And then some.}

Pressure.

To say the right things.

To have the right attitude.

To look the part.

To know the rules.

To follow the rules.

To know when to lead ... and when to follow.

To trust.

.............................

Anxiousness creeps in with the night.

As the sun goes down, circumstances change and worry sets in again.

It's cyclical.

It's gone ... and then suddenly reappears from nowhere.

It's the uneasy feeling.

It's the silence.

It's the opportunity to once again trust the God who knows what we don't.

................................

I read, and read, and read last night.

Scripture reminding me to cast my cares on Him, for He cares for me.

Verses highlighted and marked as meaningful.

Passages that spoke peace to my anxious heart.

And yet, as soon as my eyes opened this morning, that fear of the unknown hung over me like a cloud.

Trust, Lindsay!

Pray.

Listen.

Live today & know that the {right} things will happen even if they don't feel right.

.....................................

Pressure.

It comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes and forms.

It's attributes are different depending on our outlook.

My outlook.

My heart.

My choice.

And today ... I'm choosing to see pressure as the Camas Creek that winds along the highway at Ukiah.

Pressure to follow the path that has been laid ... with a grateful heart that will continue to trust in Him no matter where it goes.

{please pray with me}

My home.

That place where I'm safe.

That place that surrounds me with love.

The rooms that have secrets, and stories, and dreams.

The table that has been spilled on, wiped up, and colored on.

The floors that are worn in places from our feet tramping in and out, and toy tractors racing from one end of the house to the other.

The chairs that are mismatched.

The blankets that keep us warm.

The desk that is cluttered with bills and photos and crayons.

The sink that is clean for the moment.

The refrigerator that is full after buying groceries with a gift card from a friend.

The toaster that pops up a fresh bagel.

The TV that hasn't been on for days.

The closets full of clothes & boots ... and lots of other stuff.

The porch with a chair near the door & 3 shrinking jack-o-lanterns off to the side.

The fireplace that crackles and provides heat.

..................................

I have a home that I'm so thankful for.

And no matter where my home is on a map or what it looks like from the outside, my home is where I want to be.

The forts made with sheets.

The toy tractors and wooden road signs placed in a row near the front door.

The piles of bills & photos and drawings.

The countertop that needs to be wiped down.

The dirty laundry heaped in the corner near the laundry room door.

....................................

My class is writing about {being thankful for our homes} today.

So many different reasons to love that place that defines us ... and yet each home so different and unique.

Some are sparkling.

Some are messy.

Some mean protection.

Some offer quietness.

Some give privacy.

Some are shared.

and some are hard to define with words.

.........................................

Home.

It's where I love to be ... and on days like today, I've realized that my classroom is {home} too.

{and not just for me}