5 things about you.

Dear Mack,

You turned 5 in the car.  Well, actually, we were home for a while, but the morning was spent in a frenzy.  Checking of the 'don't forget' list, loading bikes, packing snacks, and scrambling to get it all done.  We did (or at least attempted to) sing happy birthday to you, had Pioneer Woman cinnamon rolls, and then continued with the 'we're going on a trip chaos.'

As we traveled over Snoqualmie Pass, the sky turned dark and the clouds hung low.  I'm not sure how many times you said "the storm is following us & we can't have my birthday!"  I tried to be reassuring that birthdays do still happen on cloudy & stormy days.  In fact, even on the sunniest of days, storms still linger... but you'll figure that out soon enough.  Storms linger & follow, but they can't steal your joy if you don't let them.

We got to Whidbey Island early that evening, hiked to the bluff at Aunt Merrie and Uncle Mark's house, rode in the elevator to see Papa Roy  & Great Grandma, and then celebrated with Peanut Butter cookies that grandma had saved from their dinner.  We even sang Happy Birthday ... again ... for about the 5th time that day - which is appropriate since you are {5}.

I know it didn't feel like a birthday to you.  There were no special treats.  The 'theme' was 'Let's Go on a Trip & hopefully you'll feel special!'  But you know what Mack?!  2 days later and the day was about you!  A fire in the fire pit, a treasure hunt for everyone, treats, chips, presents, pop, and the best birthday cake ever!  A cake, made by Mor Mor, that should be called the Mack cake because of your absolute and totally crazy love for all things CANDY. It was perfect in every way!

You were hugged, you were sang to, you were celebrated ... and you were LOVED!

And just so I don't forget ... here are 5 things that are special about you:

1.  You love candy, ice cream, cookies, cake, and all things sweet.  I'm sure it's my fault.  It's definitely not the best trait I could have shared with you ... and really not good for your teeth.  Your love/hate relationship for the dentist started this summer too.  Again, I'm certain it's my fault.

2.  You say "guess what?" or "you know what?" before saying anything at least 569 times a day.  You also started saying 'seriously' in a sarcastic sort of way.  Go figure.

3.  You love your brother and don't like to do anything without him.  You also antagonize him, end up fighting, and he's the one blamed (even though it's usually your fault). I'm trying hard not to let this one become a habit ... and am praying you are too.

4.  You are not going to go to Kindergarten this fall & it's the best decision your dad & I have ever made for you.  I'm sure of it & it hasn't even happened yet.

5.  You love to paint.  You love to create.  You love to play.  You don't know many letters, you know a few numbers, and you can count like crazy - just not always in order.  You love to tell jokes.  You wear mismatched clothes all the time.  You love to cook.  You make all of us laugh.  You are my cuddle bug!

Here's to another amazing trip around the sun ~ 

I love you my 'sweet' {5} year old, 

Mom

history.

Dear boys,

I've looked through these pictures several times since I took them. Every time I do, a whole bunch of emotions spring to the surface.  Emotions and feelings like appreciation, hope, fear, worry, peace, and honor.

I don't know what your future holds - in fact I don't know even know what tomorrow holds - and neither do you.

In some ways I wish I did, but in most ways, I'm glad I don't. Trying to make plans 'for' God just never seems to work out quite right.

You see, I've always had a great respect for those who have fought and served for our country, and those that still are today, but there is a little ounce of my flesh that hopes and prays your future has nothing to do with bombs, or airplanes, or parachutes, or navy ships, or tanks.

You loved climbing through this PBY on the base at Whidbey,  & were especially taken with the control panels & the guns.  Go figure.

The whole experience was a ton of fun & a great opportunity for you to see yourself inside a plane ... as a pilot or maybe even a gunman.

And the more I think about that day, I know that I want to make you this promise ...

I'm not going to spend your childhood worrying about what you may or may not do in the future.

Instead, I'm going to capture moments where maybe, just maybe, you're dreaming.


With love & respect for who you're becoming ~

Mom

I love you, period.

Dear Ian,

I hope you know how much I love you, period.

Not just because you're handsome & tall.

Not just because of your whit.

Not just because of how good you look in a cowboy hat.

Not just because of how hard you work.

Not just because of the way you load the dishwasher & start the washing machine.

Not just because of your dedication to ranching.

Not just because of the way you're teaching our boys to be 'men.'

Not just because of your unconditional love for me.

All that stuff is well and good, but there's a whole lot more to love than character traits.  I'm a huge fan of character ... developing it, sustaining it and radiating it, but character traits can change and even disappear ... and then your basis and reason for love is over. I want to love you, period.

I'm reading the Love Dare again this summer with a friend, and each time I pick it up, it speaks directly to my heart.  Yesterday, while the boys were getting fillings at the dentist, I read a chapter with a message so simple, and yet so profound that I can't get it out of my head.

It was talking about 'agape' love.  The kind of love that is 'in sickness and health' love, 'for richer or poorer' love, 'for better or worse' love.  It is the only kind of love that is 'true' love.  This isn't anything new to me, but for some reason, I know that it's important for me to focus on right now - almost 10 years of being Mrs. Ian Murdock.

My favorite parts of what I read yesterday were these:

God doesn't love us because we are lovable but because he is so loving.  God's love is a choice He makes completely on His own.  If He insisted that we prove ourselves worthy of His love, we would fail miserably.

Love is not determined by the one being loved but rather that one choosing to love.

Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstance.

The love that 'bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things' {1 Corinthians 13:7} does not come from within.  It comes through God.

............................

I'm trying to live that kind of love with you.  The kind that loves chooses to love just because, not because of what it might get it return.  It's my heart (not a dictionary) that gives meaning to my words ... and my character.

And it's my heart that I want you to love most.

I know that our love will never be perfect, but Ian, it is my hope that even when the love we show each other is not returned in the the way we've hoped for, it will still be enough.

...........................

The next time someone asks me what I love about you, I'm not going to say, 'I love him because ...' and put my hope in the traits that define you.

I'm going to say, 'I love him, period.'

♥ Lindsay

coming home.

Dear dad,

We just got back from a trip with mom - without you.  A lot of our trips are like that.  Not on purpose, and not because you don't want to come, but because that's just the way it usually goes.  Thanks for letting us go & for working your heart out while we were gone.

When we pulled into the driveway the evening we returned, we couldn't wait to get out of the car.  I think we may have unbuckled as soon as we hit the gravel.  

You were in the driveway washing off the tractor & if we could have bailed out of the windows like the guys on the Dukes of Hazzard, we would have.

We were home.

Home & ready to work, forgetting all about the cooler weather, the waterfront views, the parks, and the pavement to ride our bikes on.

Home and ready to live the life we know as 'ours.'  One with dust, hay to bale, cows to feed, hay to stack, mountain pastures to check, steers to load & unload, and horses to ride.

Home. Where the sun shines almost every day, and the simplest of things keep us entertained for hours on end.

Home.

The place that we know you and mom pray will always be the place we like being most - chores and all.

With thankfulness for all that is ours,

Mason & Mack


P.S.  Thanks for keeping most of mom's flowers alive.  Their blooms give her joy and seem to make everything right in the world of us.

riding the ferry.

Dear Washington Ferries, 

As a little girl I loved riding the ferry.  The one to Vashon was one I remember most - wishing it was just a little bit longer of a ride, but loving it just the same.  Living nowhere near water (besides an amazing lake system in Central Oregon & a mighty river in Eastern Oregon), visiting Seattle was definitely a highlight in my boating experience as a child.

20 years later, my boys and nieces are experiencing the same delight.  The 90 minute wait in line, the people watching, the 'stretching' your legs when you finally make it to the parking lot, the adrenaline rush as you are guided onto the boat, and then the feel of the salty air blowing against you while you watch from the deck.  There is nothing quite like it really, especially when it's not the 'norm' in your world.

Traveling long distances is never fun, but I certainly do appreciate the opportunity to make part of our journey to Whidbey Island with you.  There is just something 'fun' in knowing you get to ride on a ferry - no matter what age you are.

Hello birds!

Nice outfit birthday boy!  You rode a ferry on your 5th birthday  - lucky you!

Kirsten & her girls.

I wonder who taught them to smile?  Certainly wasn't me.

always thinking ... and wondering.

So until next time, may your boats travel well, may the waters stay calm, and may you know that you are a giant piece of memory making in the lives of many! 

a 36 year old kid at heart, 

Lindsay