twirling & dancing in the mud.

Dear Self,

It was dreary today.  Lots of rain, lots of mud, and lots of cows.  When we finally got to Lorenzen's to preg-check the cows, you stayed in the pickup and took a nap.   It was only about 20 minutes and ended with the guys screaming for you to "get that cow!!" as one snuck through the gate behind the truck.  

Thankfully Ian & Karl bought you Bogs a few years ago.  They were used well & were just the answer to the amount of crap you found yourself in.

You're tired & a bit weary lately.  Life just seems to go and go and go - with no end to the craziness in sight, and sometimes just thinking about it brings tears to your eyes.  It's a good kind of busy, but at the same time, it's totally exhausting.

How can so much good bring complete dysfunction?

Thankfully you have your eyes focused on finding the good amidst the dark & gray.  You find yourself quoting small bits of scripture like:

"Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love ..."

"Come into His city with songs of thanksgiving.  Come into His courtyards with songs of praise."

"I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and call on the name of the Lord."

"Always be joyful.  Never stop praying.  Be thankful in all circumstances."

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever."

"Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you."

Yes, thankfully you've wrapped yourself around giving thanks continually, and as you find yourself shouting in frustration or stomping your feet like a child, you remember.

You remember to see the good & give thanks.

You remember to soak in the blessings that are often disguised.

You remember to not think about the mess, but to see the joy.

You remember to dance and snap a picture of the smiles that happen with the music of life.

And as you push forward - one step, one day, one minute, one month at a time ... you stop to thank Him often - hoping that it will be contagious and that those around you will see the Glory in counting the whispers of Jesus saying:

I'm here.  Right here with you.

I'm in the mud, and the puddles, and the piles of crap.  

I'm here.

Seek Me and you will find what you're looking for.

Right here.

So the next time you find yourself wondering which way to look or where to turn, remember the joy found in twirling a paddle.

Remember the mud that was flung and how much laughter there was and is - even when you're "working."

Remember those verses and whisper them with each step, each jump, each twirl.

Joy is found when you twirl.

Don't ever forget that.

Ever.



Cheering you on as another season has arrived,

Lindsay

darkness and some leaves.

Dear Mason,

There was this night we got home at dark a while back. Who am I kidding?!  We get home at dark on most nights this time of year.  On this particular night,  my headlights drifted across the yard and were only on this tree for a few seconds.  As we unloaded the car and made our way to the house you asked if you could have some garbage bags.  I replied , "sure" without even really thinking about what you might need garbage bags for and continued into the house.

Your backpack was dropped quickly, you rushed to grab a handful of garbage sacks, and were out the door quickly.  So quickly that I almost forgot I had brought you home.

I'm not sure how much time passed, but it was quite a while.  Your dad came in and asked where you were, and I wasn't even sure what to tell him.  {probably not one of my finest 'mom' moments ... but who's counting?!}

We walked outside and found you here.

Raking and raking, and raking some more ... and then bagging pile after pile of leaves.

Your dad stood there - a bit dumbfounded at the fact you were expending so much energy on a task that the wind was certain to take care of tomorrow.  He even tried to talk you out of 'working,' but you wanted no part of 'quitting.'  You wanted to 'save' the leaves.

One corner of our garage now holds about 15 bags of leaves just waiting for the perfect time & day to pile them up to jump in.  Yes, you read that right!  You raked and bagged leaves to save for a 'fun' thing to do this winter when there weren't any leaves to jump in.  You're always thinking.  Always.

And son, as I watched you work so hard for something to have for later, I couldn't help but beam with pride.
There is so much about life today that desires instant gratification, and so much that doesn't want to put forth a lot of effort for something that may or may not happen in the future.  Thankfully, you don't settle for being like everyone else very often, and although it does surface every once in a while, more often than not, you're just willing to work for the sake of working.

I'm not sure what day the leaves will make their appearance outside of the bags, but you better believe I'll be there with my camera in hand - ready to capture you enjoying something you worked so very hard for!!

Thank you for being a worker and for not needing instant gratification all the time. I promise you that it will make your life so much more than ordinary.


In awe of who you are becoming,

Mom

Words worth wrapping myself around.

Thinking a lot right now and wrapping these words around my soul.

Praying frequently throughout the day that God would use me in miraculous ways for His glory. {not mine}

I must remember that when I pray for 'anything' ... I must be prepared to have everything change. Anything & everything.

anything.

Dear Ian,

We have been married nearly 10 years - which is unbelievable really.  It seems like just yesterday I was introducing myself to you from across the table and then asking to take your picture.  I laugh to myself just thinking about that day.  God knew what He was doing.

Some things never change.  I'm still taking your picture and often sitting across from you at the table -  the only thing that's different now is that I don't ask to take your picture, I just take it. And then I write about the life I live with you too.  God knows what He is doing.

10 years ago I didn't know what to write because as much as I thought I knew about this lifestyle we live and breathe, I really knew nothing.

I didn't know how much time and energy it would take - day after day after day.

I didn't realize how much dedication it would require.

I didn't understand that it's a lifestyle that truly defines who you are and what you stand for.  {who we are}

But 10 years later, I'm happy to say that I'm starting to "get" it.

I'm starting to understand and believe that anything can happen and anything is possible.

As each new day & season arrives, I continue to attempt to live a faith that has confidence in what is hoped for and assurance in what is not seen - because really there is so much that is out of our control.  But every day and every season I fail.  I worry, I fret, and I try to control it all.

I started reading this book recently that a friend of mine recommended. It's called anything:  the prayer that unlocked my God and my Soul.   I'm only a couple of chapters in and I can't stop thinking about one little paragraph that focuses on risk.

"The only exercise that works 100% of the time to draw one close to the real God is risk.  To risk is to willingly place your life in the hand of an unseen God and unknown future, then watch Him come through.  He starts to get real when you live like that."

I look back at the past 10 years of our life and as much as I would love to write that we've lived a life full of risk with no worry of the unknown and unseen, I can't.  There's been plenty of risk, but there's also been plenty of worry.  We've worried about weather, about finances, about cattle prices, about debt, about our kids, about moles, about test results, about house payments, about cows and calves, and pasture rent ... about fuel prices, about dental insurance, about surgeries, about our reputation, about almost everything.

We are not alone.  We both know several people just like us.  Our neighbors and friends, and even our family worry too.  But just because others are like us, doesn't make it right.

2 chapters in, and this book is changing me.  And I hope it will change you too.

I don't want to belittle the God I trust in by only trusting Him when it's convenient or when I need something.

I want our life to be characterized by belief and trust in anything.  In everything.

I don't want to be a hypocrite.  I want my insides to match my outsides - and for being "good" to not be good enough - because "good" isn't what counts.  I want to be real and I want God to be real too.

We're living well Ian, we are.  We're kind, we're helpful, we're filled with gratitude and we're living well.

We're good people too, but hang on honey - because this prayer I'm beginning to understand and am striving to give my all to -  it's for anything.

And anything isn't about what we can do on our own or even as a team ... and it's not just about being "good" people.  It's about trusting and believing and letting God do anything with our lives - with all that we are and all that we do - so that we can become something.

Something that's worth everything and changes eternity.

I love everything about you.

and because I love you so much, I'm laying down everything, so He can do anything,

Lindsay

rainy days.

Dear Mack & Mason,

Not for a moment would I trade the pile of muddy clothes, the soaking wet boots, or the sound of you playing and exploring the hillside and canyon below our house during a downpour for life in town.  Not for a moment.  These pictures are proof that we're right where we're meant to be.  Rain or shine.

When it rains, you usually opt to be outside.  It used to concern me a bit, thinking you would get sick or catch a cold, but as the months pass, the weather changes, a new season begins, and another year goes by, I've realized that even the stormiest of days are opportunities to "live" just like any other day is.  Why would I want to keep you from "living" or using your imaginations to the fullest extent just because of the weather, or the mess?

Thankfully, gray skies don't bring dullness to your world or to anyone else that finds themselves on an adventure with you.
You seem to have this contagious amount of joy - even when it's overcast, dreary, cold and wet. That joy is a gift from God.  A gift that whispers to your heart and soul that waiting for just the right weather or just the right time isn't what life is about.

Life is about trusting that the faith you have in each other and our washing machine is worth every stain, every hole, and every minute.  There are things unseen and unknown around every corner, but thankfully, you never hesitate to follow your heart.  You're always looking for treasure in the every-day things, while creating and using your uniqueness to make life interesting and even a bit out of control.

Life isn't meant to be controlled by you, me, your dad, or even the weather.  Life is meant to be lived knowing that Jesus has us on an adventure from the minute we wake up, to the minute we go to sleep every single day.

It's a chapter in our story that He has written out for us perfectly - with just the right setting and just the right characters.

An adventure - and a life - where joy is evident, and gratitude soaks us to the bone.

Yes, joy & gratitude - 2 key ingredients, components, and players in a life lived well.

Thank you for the muddy pants, and the soaking wet coats.

Thank you for grinning from ear to ear - nearly every day of your life.

Thank you for living your life well - with joy and gratitude for the little things- that really are big things.


With appreciation for a washing machine that works and for boys that love to explore the world God has created,

your {blessed} mom

go cart chaos.

Dear Friday afternoon after a very long week in November,

Thank you for being everything one would hope a Friday would be and more.  You were just warm enough that we could be in t-shirts, zooming around the driveway 100 times or more in the go-cart.

You were magical without even really trying to be.  That's the great thing about looking for and finding the extraordinary in the midst of the ordinary.

You brought smiles to the faces of 4 of the most important kids in my life - right when smiles and laughter were needed most.

You brought opportunity to "fix" things & even roll eyes at.

You made personalities shine & seem as bright as the sun on a late fall afternoon.

Thank you for chasing us down, for grabbing hold of life, and showing us what fun it is just to play.

You were a chance to trust in the unknown and put your best foot forward - at least the right one - to press on the gas.

You were a time in the busy lives of us where age difference didn't matter - and joy oozed through every squeal and shout.

 

You were an afternoon that we will not forget - for a very, very long time.

Thank you for being everything we needed  ... and a little bit more.

 Looking forward to next time already, 

Leslie, Morgan, Mason, & Mack ... and Lindsay too.

 

as close to perfect as possible.

Dear Bill,

What a blessing you've been to us for several years now.  I hope you know how special you are - I think you do, but every once in a while I wonder. 
We live at the ranch you "started" over 30 years ago and things definitely aren't the same, but yet in a way they are.  We've kept it alive and running well - with just as much pride and love for the lifestyle that defines us as you did, but things are different. 
You live in town now & I know that is so very strange for you.  To have neighbors, and confined spaces, and only a room to call yours is far from what you had for most of your life.  You've adjusted well, and we're doing our best to enjoy the wide open spaces your land offers.
The boys adore you and this Halloween we decided that visiting you needed to be a priority.  Funny how prioritizing things in life can put everything in perspective.
The boys had their little pumpkins filled with one trip around the room, and brought so much joy to your residence without even really trying.  I think we will make it a yearly ritual - in fact, it should probably be once a month.
Thank you for being a great-grandpa to our boys, for loving them, for telling them stories about what Yoakum Rd. used to be like, and for reminding them how blessed they are.

May you know what a treasure you began - and what a treasure will continue - for as long as we live at the Y on Yoakum Rd. just one mile off the freeway.

With thanks and a hug,

Lindsay & Ian