a miracle. {part 2}

Replaying the early hours of Monday morning in my mind over and over again in my mind, I knew that the little green lifeline I carried with me from home to school and back again must be at school.

Maybe it was hidden underneath a stack of goal sheets, or corrected spelling tests, or even the Common Formative Assessments I’d been giving.

I thought about the color-coded baskets and the stacks of papers I’d carried into Room 1 that morning.

I thought about my semi-cluttered desk that may have “swallowed” the green machine.

I thought about the 200+ steps I’d taken across the damp grass and busy bus lane on the side of my school at 7:25 that morning.

I thought about all of the places and spaces my lime green WD external drive could be and then buckled my boys into the Tahoe and made the 30 minute drive back to school to search Room 1 – one more time.

……………

Now some of you may be at a point in my story where you think I’m a little OCD about this little lime green drive, but I promise you – I’m not.

Well, maybe a little.

But I think you would be too.

It holds passwords to almost every online account we have.

It carries images from my home computer to the nearest www access points I have.

It carries my thoughts, my ramblings, my stories.

It holds cow numbers and calf weights.

It carries menus, addresses, and school work.

It carries our life.

………………..

So when it begins to flash across the news program playing in my mind … Umatilla County’s Most Searched For Item … I begin to sweat.

What if I had dropped it?

What if a student had taken it home?

What if someone not so honest had found it?

What if a bus had driven over it?

What if ??

What if ??

What if?

………………

At 8:15 p.m., I left my classroom empty-handed and sick to my stomach.

It was gone.

I drove home slowly … well, as slowly as one could possibly go on the freeway.

My dad talked me through my day – hoping to “jog a memory.”

Ian and I searched and searched the house … for the 3rd and 4th time.

Nothing.

I woke up at 2 a.m. thinking I’d just had a conversation with a woman about our VISA account being mysteriously maxed out in 12 short, but very long hours.

Things were spiraling for me mentally.

Where was this trust and faith that I say I have?

Who was I placing my hope upon?

Myself … or my God?

The God that puts people and places and circumstances directly in our paths for a reason had a bit of my trust – but not all of it.

All I could think about was that this “thing” that was lost and how "I" was going to find it.

I.

I.

I.

(note to self ... there is no "I" in team) ... and weren't God and I a team?!

In all of the searching, I hadn’t found the “thing” I truly was searching for… but I did find out a lot about myself.

I rely way too much on me.

I fret and worry and worry and fret … and everything else is put on hold.

When I lose something, I am consumed with everything but God.

..............................

Tuesday morning I read this in Jesus Calling:

I truly believe I will live to see the Lord’s goodness. – Psalm 27:13

I am constantly working in your life, even though you may not realize it. Especially when you are tired or hurt, or the day has had too many troubles, you may not notice Me at all. But I am there.

When you are tired, I am the One who is gently urging you on. When you are hurt, I am the One who is softly whispering, “It’s going to be okay.” And when you are overwhelmed, I am the One who is running before you, clearing the path of things you just can’t face today.

In those times that you have felt weakest, I have been working the hardest for you. And though you may not see Me right now, one day you will look back and know that I was right there all along, giving you all that you needed. Your memories of those days will be bright with the glow of my presence.

………………………

7:25 a.m. Tuesday morning … 24 hours later, I stepped out of my car.

I gathered my things from the back of the Tahoe, closed the hatch and then turned toward the school I call home.

At first all I saw were flickers of dew shining in the morning sun and an empty playground.

... and the I saw it.

There … about 15 yards away from the street - between the sidewalk and the bus lane  … in the damp, green grass …

was my little, lime green, external hard drive.

White side up.
Cord still attached.
Soaking wet.
All in one piece.
Found.
Glowing with His presence.

Some say God put it there.
Some say it was protected and maybe even invisible to other’s eyes for those 24 hours.
Some say it was luck.

I say it was a miracle.

and I've lived to see God's goodness yet once again.