Aguinaldo.

We finished the story together, and it got really quiet. There was a faint sound of a Christmas carol playing across the speakers of the board, but that was it. No one said much, but the smiles on the faces of my 22 spoke volumes. Aguinaldo - a word I will remember for the rest of my life.
Aguinaldo - a Christmas surprise.
My class had a great discussion about the story we had just shared, and then, the day continued on like it always does on Wednesdays. Recess, PE, a math test, and then journal writing. I usually try to journal with them, but today I was helping two students finish up their math tests, was running short on patience, and every time I grabbed a pencil, it was a broken one.

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Fast forward 2 hours in the life of me and you would see that I am quietly leaving the library after a team meeting with my arms full of notebooks and papers, and my hands full of highlighters. You would see my eyes light up a the sight of my dear friend and 2nd grade teammate walking toward me. Our hearts are heavy - you can just tell. Because life isn't always fair or right, but both of us know that there is always JOY in the morning, and even in the heaviness of  the day - we're counting on that. We visited quietly and seemed to know exactly what to say to each other without saying anything at all - if that's even possible?
As we entered the office, a beautiful red bag caught both of our eyes. It was a deep red color - like the color of Christmas - and attached to the bag was a tag with the name Murdock beautifully printed across it. Inside, were hot spaghetti noodles, warm sauce, buttered bread, a green salad, and much more. There was a handwritten note expressing so much heartfelt compassion and the desire to give our family a gift of a meal. A meal that was ready to be served as soon as we arrived home. My mouth dropped open and initially I felt my cheeks almost grow red with embarrassment. Thoughts of {what did I post that made someone feel like they needed to help us?} ... {who would do this for me?} ... {why is sharing real life via Facebook make everything so vulnerable?} {Lord, what is this gift about?}
I took the bag back to my room and cleaned off my desk - staring at the beautiful red gift near the door and all I could think of was Aguinaldo. A Christmas surprise.

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I'm very open and honest with my postings - here and on Facebook. In fact, you don't even really have to know our family to "know" us. You've seen every inch of our house, you know our birthdays and even our favorite candy, you've been to almost every kind of gathering we've ever hosted or attended, you have cried with us, laughed with us, and you've even cringed in fear with us through several seasons of the good, the best, the worst, and the ugly beautiful. You people out there that so faithfully follow us are warriors that I know would fight to the ends of the earth for us because somehow through my posts, you "know" us.

Here's the thing though ...

• my honesty and openness can sometimes appear that we are in desperate need of anything and everything - when really, we just need you to say "we love you" ... and probably nothing more
• my willingness to hide very little gives you hope and joy because you realize you're not alone even when you feel you are ...
• my vulnerability is real ... and somehow that makes you feel better about your own lives.
• my words touch a nerve ... making you either love us or hate us ... but are most likely causing you to think about things in a way you probably wouldn't on your own.
• my words are my journal.
• my words are written for others, but they're mostly written for me ...

and ...

• my words are a way that I can feel and see and hear and touch and smell Jesus in real life.

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I grabbed that Christmas colored red bag, my coat, and school keys, and walked toward my car. I could almost taste the goodness that filled it. My heart was full, but somehow felt sad at the same time. Full and sad ... two feelings I think we all experience in abundance this time of year. One minute everything is beautiful and filled with joy, and the next, we don't know which way to turn and everything seems to be on spin cycle. We have so much, but at the same time, we have so little.

I felt for my phone and stared at the touch screen. My finger slid across it, and I typed these simple words:  Are you home?

I waited in the car - sitting in the empty parking lot with tears streaming down my face. This red bag wasn't for me.

10 minutes later, I was in a driveway - leaving that beautiful meal that someone had so generously made for us on the porch of my dear friend. It was a porch that had seen enough sadness for a day - for even a year. It was a porch that needed to have joy in the form of a bag, filled with food, waiting to greet it's owner.

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I was given a gift today by someone I barely know. An Aguinaldo. And that gift gave me the opportunity to give something even greater. God is so good like that. He shows up ... and then says - I'm not done yet.

I kept the red bag and put the food in a cooler bag I keep in the back of my car. It is empty now, but it's under our tree. Empty to the naked eye, but so very full. I placed it next to the tree because tonight ... that red bag is going to be filled again to give to someone else. I've attached a tag with numbers down the side. Numbers and a line to write the name of who was blessed by its contents. Number 1 and number 2 are filled. Number 3 ... well, that's going to be a brand new Aguinaldo tomorrow.

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It is my hope that you read this, and see Jesus at work. Not me, not my friend, not even a bag - just Jesus using real life to spread JOY where it's needed most.