the nose knows.

Yesterday was cold. The sky stayed the color of a cloud all day long. In fact, it felt like a cloud was touching me and the world I live in most of the afternoon. It was a cold kind of cloud that hung low and seemed to press in on all of us from every side. The girls gathered in their circles watching me closely. They always watch me closely. I used to wonder if it was because I'm the only other girl out here besides Jill the dog? Or maybe it was because I'm sort of intriguing to them, just as they are all sorts of enchanting and brave to me. I'll probably never know since "moo" isn't a language I plan on learning anytime soon, but I have to admit, I think about my relationship with these beautiful ladies a lot. 

I walked through them quietly - pushing them toward the gate - guiding them away from the chaos happening on the other side of the lot. The side of the lot where babies are born and life suddenly changes whether you're ready for it to or not in a matter of minutes. The side of the lot that some avoid at all cost until the last possible moment. The side of the lot where you're not just in the crowd anymore, you're being watched like a hawk. I'm thinking you don't have to be a cow to experience this kind of pressure to perform at all. In fact, I'm certain that the pressure of having all eyes on us is something everyone in the world experiences at some point in their life - human or not.

Here's the thing though - most of the time when eyes watch us closely, we immediately believe that it's to criticize or critique, and not necessarily to compliment or better yet, copy. We live in a world where women watch other women and secretly hope they fail at something, anything, or everything. We watch women want the attention their best friend is getting. We see other women desperately wishing to be the one that everyone follows. We click through and scroll down in question of how to be that woman that seems to have everything figured out without even trying. I hate that part of this world. Hate it. And yes, I know hate is a very strong word, but it's the best I could come up with.

We don't have to be this way. We don't have to conform to anything less than just being the best daughters, wives, mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, or even neighbors that we've been created to be. We don't have to roll our eyes at posts or articles. We don't have to be jealous. We don't have to unfollow or unfriend. We just have to be us. Why, though, is it so hard to just be "us?"

I'm done being a watcher, and I'm done being watched. I know there are eyes on me, following me, watching me closely, and maybe even critiquing me, but I don't care. I can't care if I want anything to change in this world I've found myself in.
I'm a human, but I want to live in the herd that lives like I imagine the girls I've been watching closely for days now live. I want to surround myself in the herd that fights for each other and protects each other - not competing, but complementing. I want to be alive and free to be myself in the group of women that provide warmth to those around them when they need it most. I want to be in the middle of the circle that says it's ok if you've gained a few pounds & that they promise to walk to the water trough with you 8 times each day if it would make things better. Yes, I want to be in the herd that watches closely, listens carefully, and smells cautiously - only to say "welcome" when they smell you coming because they know you're one of them.

May we all find great and beautiful ways to use senses other than our sight to see the best in others.