A trip back in time...

I actually opened murdockcattle.blogspot.com yesterday and sighed with disappointment.
Why hasn't that freckled, loved, blessed girl posted?
What could possibly be more important than Bales & Tails?
Doesn't she know that I need to read her post just to make it through the day?
Why can't she type out a sentence or two and leave it at that?
I know she has plenty to post about... seriously... there is never a dull moment.

This may sound pathetic, but I actually read my own postings - over, and over, and over. They remind me of where I've been, where I want to go, and how to stay focused & calm along the way.
They make me smile when I'm frustrated.
They make me really enjoy and give thanks for my life.
I can wish and wish for someone else's great life - their terrific house, their amazing family, their dream job... or I can read about mine and smile - knowing that my life is just as important, just as great, just as necessary as anyone else's. Hmmm... now isn't that a thought.

well friends... I do have plenty to post about. Plenty has happened this week.
But instead, I'm taking you back.
Back to some posts where this blog became real for me.
Back to a post or two when I experienced freedom through writing.
Back to posts that were written when most of my readers now weren't reading (or maybe they were, and just weren't commenting).
Back to a time when this was new, it was challenging, it was my way of sharing me, my faith, my family, my life.

CHANGE

PRAISE LOUDLY... BLAME SOFTLY

CAPTIVATING

BALANCE

GET YOUR SMILE ON

4 YEARS... AND COUNTING

There are many of you who have just started this adventure called blogging.
You look forward to sharing your life with others.
You smile when something happens that is worth posting about.
Having friends and family encourage you by commenting is a definite highlight.
Stick with it.
You'll look back at the "beginning" and smile.
You'll be thankful - knowing that this tool we are so blessed to have in our lives (seriously wondering how the women on the Oregon Trail survived), this opportunity we have to share our faith, this amazing place where we can go and find peace & rest, this "home away from home" that connects us to each other... our blogs... they are making a difference!

This Boy

I've been sitting in my chair for over an hour.
My thoughts are random... but have a consistent theme.

This boy.

He's 2 years, 9 1/2 months old.
He's mechanical.
He remembers everything.
He watches someone do something once and he has it memorized.
He doesn't watch T.V.
He loves his Richard Scary book where "Goldbug" is hidden somewhere on the page.
He found him easily the first time we read the book.
He says "where are you bug?" each time he looks at a new page - even though he knows exactly where "bug" is.
He saw a semi-truck loaded with heisters at an intersection the other day and said: "look mommy - truck has heisters on back"... "where going mommy?"... "where heisters going?"
Seriously... what 2 year old cares?
He knows exactly where to turn to get to the ranch our cows are at.
He knows exactly which key goes to which vehicle.
He knows exactly what button turns the circle on.
He loves to pretend like he's driving anything that has a steering wheel.
He thinks he knows how to shift gears.
He loves everything about tractors, balers, trucks, bikes, cars, tires, swathers, gators.
He knows exactly what to do to make us mad.
He knows exactly where to go to scare us.
He knows exactly how to smile when we're beyond frustrated.
He knows exactly which way to run when we're chasing him.
He knows exactly what it takes to melt our hearts.

The past few days have been rough.
I don't know if it's me or him. (He's been good for Ian - go figure!?)
I'm exhausted. I'm out of tears.
I don't know if my patience is non-existent or if I'm just expecting too much.
I do know that we love him... and because we do, we're going to try new strategies each and every day until we find something that works.... we're NOT giving up.

I think... actually, I know... one of the reasons I'm struggling with this so much is because I'm a teacher, and tonight after a very long phone call with my dad, I was reminded that I am a good teacher who experiences success with other children each and every day. I am a teacher who uses effective strategies to make bad situations good. I am a teacher who doesn't fly of the handle or burst into tears... I'm pretty calm, I'm patient, I'm always thinking of new techniques to help children learn. I'm a teacher. A teacher who needs to use everything I know that works, and use it with confidence. I need to use it with my son. Why didn't I think of that? Why is it easy for me to teach other children, discipline other children, reward other children... and such a struggle with my own child?

This boy - our oldest son, our sweet, sweet boy... he isn't trying to be bad... he's just being himself.
He is unique.
He is stubborn.
He is strong-willed.
He's ours.
We can't send him back. (...but the thought has crossed my mind.)

God NEVER said that there wouldn't be times of tears, frustration, anger, anxiety, exhaustion, guilt... but He DID say He would be right beside us - EVERY step of the way.... and that He will provide rest, and peace, and joy. Maybe not tomorrow, but someday... hopefully soon.

"We've been handed a piece of history in advance - a gracious gift to send to a time we will not see - and we play the biggest role in how that history will ultimately be recorded."
~ Dr. Tim Kimmel

Wow... this jigsaw puzzle... that is begging to be put together ... with a few extra pieces thrown in and the lid (with the picture of the final product) nowhere to be found... this puzzle called parenting...

it's hard work.
it seems to be impossible.
it takes every ounce of extra energy we have - and then some.
it's going to get easier... it has to.

at 3 months...

~ you've figured out that your hands are attached to you... and that you can make them move.
~ you smile each and every time that your brother talks to you.
~ you suck your thumb, hand & fingers ALL the time.
~ you love laying on the floor or in your crib and watching the world above you change & move.
~ you look like your daddy & like your brother.
~ you coo and talk about all sorts of things with us.
~ you are attempting to grab things.
~ you sleep all night.
~ you haven't rolled over.... but have come close.
~ you love to face forward.
~ you change daily.
~ you are a gift from God!
~ you melt my heart!



Check these out and help me decide which one to get!!

** thank you Kristie for the gift certificate... and thank you Shannon for "capturing" the innocence & beauty of our sweet little Mack! The photos are amazing!

I Believe...

I hadn't realized how much I missed the "I Believe" portion of my Friday morning drive to school until this morning.
Positive Life Radio does this great program where people call in and and finish a sentence beginning with "I Believe..."
It can be simple, it can be spiritual, it can be funny... it's whatever each person wants it to be.
They take all the calls and then play several of them all right in a row.
It's so powerful.
It makes me smile.
It makes me nod my head in agreement.
It makes me think of the things I believe.

So.... in a tribute to my first Friday back at work & my first Friday in a long time that I listened to "I Believe..." - here are some things I believe:

• that each day is a gift - and a day that God has made... I need to rejoice and be glad in it!
• that my husband works too dang much.
• that Mason is going to follow in his daddy's footsteps.
• that being real & vulnerable is a great way to live life... even if it is hard to do.
• that ice cream with friends is the best way to end a crazy day.
• that reading books on parenting doesn't help as much as a visit with other moms who are going through the same thing.
• that losing one earring in a set is worse than losing both.
• that laundry is never done... but is sure is nice to have a washer & a dryer.
• that it's ok to not be perfect.
• that it's ok to say no.
• that life without friends is boring.
• that wisdom and advice from older women is essential in my life.
• that I've never going to find my case for my glasses.
• that Mack is going to be the toughest little brother around.
• that cornbread and chili is "what's for dinner?" tonight.
• that paint is better than wallpaper.
• that helping a child read is the most amazing part of my job.
• that email is wonderful, but a letter in the mailbox is even better.
• that I thrive off of chaos... and even when I try to avoid it... it's always there.
• that I am short and cranky with my husband too often.
• that I love the man I married and look forward to growing old with him.
• that my M&M boys are my pride & joy.
• that the friendships I've made through "blog world" are priceless.
• that God can do anything in my life that He wants - even if it's not what I want.
• that phone calls from friends make me smile.
• that unexpected emails from friends (thanks Kelli & KayDee) are awesome.
• that I have a lot to learn still... and because I'm not in control of my future I need to make the most of each & every day ... even the bad ones.
• that my prayer journal is powerful.
• that my words and my actions speak loudly.
• that a cup of Russian/friendship tea, a piece of pumpkin bread & a good magazine are going to be a priority tomorrow morning.
• that the book of James is one of my favorites.... loving this right now!
• that I'm freckled, busy, loved, blessed... and happy that today is Friday.

Right Now...

My feet are tired.
My eyes are heavy.
My hands are still.
My heart is beating - slow and steady.

Is it really Wednesday?
How can a week seem to be flying by... but looking at a calendar makes it freeze completely?

I'm wishing I had great things to post about.
I'm wishing I had a picture or two to share.
I'm wishing that the spin cycle of life wasn't spinning so fast.

The routine/schedule is coming along - at work and at home.
The boys have adjusted well.
Mason loves going to Deb's ... as long as Mack gets to go too.
I've been to work on time 3 days in a row.
Ian actually remembered his dentist appointment this morning & he started the dishwasher tonight - HUGE in my book!
Mack is sleeping all night still... praying that continues.
The house is not clean, but I'm fine with that.
The newspapers haven't been read for 4 days - sorry George.
The fruit flies are loving the almost rotten bananas on the kitchen counter, and seem to have taken over the house completely.

The bathtub was a welcoming place for me tonight.
A place for me to sit.
A place for me to close my eyes.
A place for me to think & hope & wish.
A place for me to pray.
A place for me to cry.
A place for me to realize that I'm going to make it... we're going to make it.
The schedules are going to fall into place.
The "to-do" list is going to shrink.
The flies are going to die.
... and the blessings in my life are going to continue to pour from the sky.

so tonight, as I climb into bed and lay my head down on a soft pile of pillows, I'm going to think of this and welcome Thursday with a smile:

The World According to Mister Rogers
"Some days, doing "the best we can" may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn't perfect - on any front - and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else."

Flowers

Why do flowers just seem to make everything better?

Why does their smell take my breath away?

Why don't I buy fresh flowers more often?

My sister sent me these:

They're beautiful. They're my happiness. They're a gift I'm treasuring.

Thank you Kirsten for the gift.

For the reminder to take time & smell the roses.

For the love that I feel each time I sit down at my desk.

I LOVE THEM!!

October 1

The Welcome Mat with Rocky Raccoon greeted me with a smile today.

My home away from home hadn't changed much.
~Piles of papers and catalogs.
~Phone calls from my favorite IT guys.
~Monday morning Leadership meeting.
~Keyboarding with 3rd graders.
~A huge amount of emails to read/save/or just delete.
~Pictures of my boys.
~The "Patience angel" sitting next to my computer that I've come to rely on.
~My Library Boss name plate covering the Teacher of The Year award I once received.
~Children - wonderful children that I have the privilege of teaching.
~Smiles.
~Sighs.
~Hugs.
~Joy.

The day was overwhelming, but refreshing. Is that possible?
Emails from Neely, Misty, Brooke & Billie, a phone call from Ronda, a hug from Cindy, an IM from Michelle, an amazing work of art from Becky, flowers from Kirsten, a visit with BJ... all those things... and all of your thoughts and prayers made October 1, 2007 a great "first day of school."

and now...
I've just finished my milkshake from McDonald's.
The diaper bag is packed and sitting by the front door.
The gallon bucket full of strawberries I just picked is waiting to be washed.
Dinner is in the oven.
Mason is helping Ian "fix" something.
Mack is playing on his little mat on the floor.
The laundry is about done.
My prayer journal just got highlighted and starred.
October 1 - a success.

and so it goes... life in the working world once again.