I started the car.
The boys were finally sitting in their seats without screaming.
I had just {let it all out} to two of my dearest friends & I was emotionally exhausted.
I want to be a Godly woman.
I want to be a Godly wife.
I want to be a Godly mother.
I want to be all that and more ... so bad I can taste it.
I don't want to settle.
I don't want to just be {ok}.
The competitor in me is striving for excellence & hasn't quite figured out what to do when I trip and fall.
I know to get up,.
I know to brush myself off and start running again.
I know to lean on Him.
And I do all of those things. I do.
But it's hard.
so hard.
Flat. Out. Hard.
I've now pulled onto the street and the lump in my throat feels like it's going to explode.
I'm exhausted.
I wake up every morning - take care of everything I can in the hour + a few minutes that I have.
Myself.
My boys.
Laundry.
Lunches.
Diaper Bag.
School Bag.
To-Do List.
Mail.
Keys.
I then arrive at a classroom that has become my home away from home & welcome 23 little learners in for a day jam-packed full of reading, writing, math, health, recess, lunch, journals, grammar, computers, gym, music, library ... and so much more.
There is no break.
I go from my own children to 23 other people's children, back to my own children ... and I tell you what ... I'm tired.
Exhausted to be exact.
And I KNOW I'm not alone.
I just driven 2 blocks, and as I look in the rear-view mirror I see both boys sound asleep.
The tears start to fall.
Lord ... why is this so, so hard.I knew it wasn't ever going to be {easy} ... but why is it so stinkin' hard?
The 10 minute drive home couldn't last long enough.
I pulled into the dark driveway and knew that I wasn't ready for the silence to end.
I sat there.
I reclined my seat, took a deep breath {or 2} and closed my eyes.
There was a tap on the window.
My husband was staring at me holding the phone in his hand.
I have no idea how much time had passed.
The quiet was over.
I don't feel overwhelmed.
I don't feel fearful.
I don't feel incapable.
I do feel challenged.
I do feel stretched.
I do feel frustrated.
I'm growing.
My boys are growing. {way too fast}
And together - with the grace and mercy only He can give - we will survive.
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9 comments:
This too shall pass...and when it does I know you will be saying... "It is well with my soul".
Peace and rest to you dear sister!
I love you!
Praying that you find some much needed rest this weekend. Rest for your soul, rest for your family and rest for yourself.
I have been there friend and I know what it's like to be so exhausted. Keep leaning on Him and He WILL carry you through.
I could've written this -
Growing right along with ya friend.
♥ ♥ ♥
My sweet girl...AMAZED! You never cease to Amaze me! You captured your heart, your spirit, your day with words written so from the heart, words that are in the hearts of every woman, mother, wife...everywhere. Words that will encourage, uplift, inspire others to do the same thing...day by day to seek going forward step by step! Perseverance! It's hard...but so rewarding in the end! Sweet blessings!
Hoping that you are able to rest and spend special time with your sweet boys this weekend. {MORE IMPORTANTLY, that you are able to have a few minutes for yourself this weekeend!}
Blessings!
I hope we'll be able to give you some relief this weekend from the hecticness of life...... we're on our way .....hang in there sweet woman of God ..... and He WILL provide for your every need, in abundance!!!
Oh, Lindsay- If my arms could reach right through your screen, you would be feeling one monstrous hug around your neck right now. (oh, wait that sounds kinda creepy and "The Ring-ish", huh? but you get what I mean).
I don't know what to say except to say that all of the things you wish you hope to be (on your list)-you really, really are.
You are a Godly light- shining bright for your family at home and a beacon in the lives of those
{23} precious children you get to teach every day. Your whole life is painted in Christ.
Keep on keepin' on, girl.
Sometimes I take and pull off the road and it is amazing. A ten minute... It likely has saved me from a wreck... Maybe a ten minute nap here and there can also save us from wrecks in our life... Seems like the first time I pulled over and did tis was the hardest. Once I saw the effect it became automatic.
Keep well, don't forget to take care of you as well,
Mr Tammy
Mr Tammy
It doesn't get more honest than this...I can see your heart all over it. Life.
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