glimpses & forgiveness.

The rain was pouring down this morning.  Pouring.  And with it came grouchiness, tired & achy bones, and weariness.

The words came out before I could stop them.  They were bottled up inside me and as soon as I said them, I wanted them back.  The flood of ugliness that spouts from within when I don't think before I speak had not been the way to start this day.  It's not the way to start any day.

"Forgive me ... I'm sorry ... please ... forgive me."  The rest of our morning ride was spent in silence with tears running down my face just like the rain drops splattering all over the windshield.

.....................................

Boys,

I almost ran over your dad today.  He needed me to pull start the water truck and it was the very last possible thing I had time for or wanted to do for that matter.  I got in, didn't even really glance in the mirror through the rain drops covering the window, and lurched forward with the water truck in tow.  I had no idea that your dad was underneath the water truck, and before I could go any further, all I heard was screaming and then suddenly his fist hit my window.

Storms hit unexpectedly, and the best advice I can give you, is to brace yourself as soon as one hits.  Brace yourself and then try your best to not let "ugliness" escape. 

You both watched in horror as your dad & I "had it out" about whose fault it was, who should have done what, and how I had almost killed him.  I'm sorry it happened.  The whole thing was a disaster, but the good news is - it's over.  Done.  No one was hurt physically and the words that stung were washed away with the rain.

That's what forgiveness is.  The washing away of hurts and not just forgiving, but forgetting too. 

..........................

These pictures I took a couple of weeks ago speak volumes.  They are glimpses into what I think God sees through the clouds when He looks into our lives.  They are pieces of a big picture that portray many different aspects of who and what we are.  They capture hard work, determination, and a lot of "crap" too.  But that dirt and grime are washed away - and we are made new.  He makes us new. 

 They say it's what's on the inside that counts most ... and I couldn't agree more.

So many times we worry about what others see on the outside ... what we look like, having furniture that matches, the flower gardens without weeds, the size of our car, the brand of our jeans, the "right" friends, and all the "right" words.

None of that matters if the inside isn't filled with Him. None of it.

And thankfully we have a Heavenly Father that washes our sins away - just like the hosing out of a cattle truck & trailer.